I Call His Name . . .

I never used to feel that I was an overly emotional person, and I've always prided myself on being rather level-headed. Having a child killed a lot of that in me. First of all, tears come much more quickly than they used to. I think having a child tends to bring out the tender side in a person. As far as being level headed goes, well let's just say I've put my phone in the refrigerator more times than I can count since I had Andrew. In addition to bringing out the tender side, having a baby also zaps some of the common sense brain cells.

Nevertheless, I think being a mother has to be one of the greatest privileges and honors I've ever been given. There is just something about having the enormous responsibility of shaping the life of a little human being that makes you step back and take inventory of your priorities. Over the past few weeks, I've been reading emails which have been flying back and forth between adoptive parents in a Bulgarian Adoptive Parents groups I'm a member of. To be quite honest, sometimes I just delete these emails because of their enormous negativity, but you can also find some good advice and support in these groups. Anyway, the latest discussion has been about Fetal Alcohol Syndrome, and the risk of your adoptive child having it. If you know anything about FAS then you know that it is brain damage due to alcohol consumption during pregnancy. Now the risk in Bulgaria is less than the risk in some of the other Eastern European countries. However, the risk is still present.

As is normal for me, I started to worry about this (along with a million other things . . . it's how I roll). FAS can affect the way a child bonds, as can a myriad of other problems that come from life in an institution. I was already formulating a plan of how we would deal with this problem should it occur, but the truth is if it's not FAS then it will be something else. The list of potential problems is long, and you cannot be 100% prepared for every single one. Then this morning in church we sang "I Call Your Name" by Ricardo Sanchez. The whole song is great, but the chorus really struck a chord with me.

I call your name
Lord You reply
You bring Your kingdom
To stand by my side
giver of life
all that I need
Father Your everything that is precious to me
There is no one like You Lord in all the earth

I've said (and blogged) it before, and I'm sure I'll have to say it many times as we enter the waiting phase, but there is absolutely nothing I can do, outside of praying, for my child to protect her. And while I know that prayer is more than enough, as someone who is not passive by nature, I find this insanely frustrating at times. But then I listened to the words of this song, and I was reminded that those prayers aren't empty words to a distant God. I call His name, and He replies. And furthermore, I serve a God who says "I will never leave you nor forsake you" (Hebrews 13:5). He's the giver of life, and the creator of all things. He created (or will create) both of my children, and they are special and unique because He made them that way. They are not defined by the circumstances surrounding their births. Andrew certainly wasn't, and I don't expect our little girl to be either.

I'm not saying that every moment of the next year or two (or thereafter) will be easy, but I know that God is standing by my side, and I know that I can trust Him to see us through this whole process and beyond. In the meantime, I will continue to pray these scriptures over my children knowing that I serve a God who is more than faithful (I know I've printed this before also, but it never hurts to be reminded).

Psalm 91

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

 ¹ He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
         Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
 ² I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
         My God, in Him I will trust.”
       
 ³ Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler^[a]
         And from the perilous pestilence.
 ⁴ He shall cover you with His feathers,
         And under His wings you shall take refuge;
         His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
 ⁵ You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
         Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
 ⁶ Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
         Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
       
 ⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
         And ten thousand at your right hand;
         But it shall not come near you.
 ⁸ Only with your eyes shall you look,
         And see the reward of the wicked.
       
 ⁹ Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,
         Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
 ¹⁰ No evil shall befall you,
         Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
 ¹¹ For He shall give His angels charge over you,
         To keep you in all your ways.
 ¹² In their hands they shall bear you up,
         Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
 ¹³ You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
         The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
       
 ¹⁴ “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
         I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
 ¹⁵ He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
         I will be with him in trouble;
         I will deliver him and honor him.
 ¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him,
         And show him My salvation.”