To Everything There is a Season . . .

On Christmas Eve afternoon, I was taking a hot shower after a pretty dismal run. I was lamenting the fact that it is winter. I don't enjoy winter runs. They're not great, even when it's not really that cold which it wasn't on Christmas Eve. There's just something missing from winter runs. The smells of things growing. The way a nice breeze will cool you off instead of give you chills. Those of you that know me, know I don't exactly love winter (even the somewhat mild, short winters we have here in Texas). I'm not a fan of short, dreary days and sunlight that doesn't carry the warmth or brightness of the late spring and early summer. I don't like dead, brown, dying plants and trees. Once Christmas is over, I'm ready for spring. Afternoon thunderstorms, warm sunshine, wildflowers . . . all of it points to life, and in spring, I feel more alive than any other time of the year.

Whilst lamenting, the fact that it is winter, I also started lamenting the fact that we are still waiting on an adoption referral, and there are those that have been waiting even longer than we have. Fear started to creep in, and I started to have just a touch of doubt. Maybe we had heard God wrong? I was trying to recall what influenced the decision to adopt from Bulgaria. Was it emotional? Were we caught up in the moment and novelty of it all? It's been a long time. People are starting to talk to us and look at us like we're crazy for waiting this long.

In the midst of all of this whining, because let's face it, that's what I was doing, I heard God speak to my heart. How do I know it was God and not me? Well for one, it interrupted my flow of thoughts. I was quite enjoying my pity party, and it suddenly came to an abrupt stop. Second, I once heard someone say that when trying to figure out if you're hearing from God or creating your own thoughts if it sounds and seems much smarter and wiser than you then it's probably God. Laughable? Yes. True? Even more. Third, I just know. I don't know how to explain it, but there's something about the Holy Spirit whispering to your heart that can't be mistaken for anyone or anything else.

So what did God say? "You can't have spring without winter, Courtney. You can't have life without death. Seasons aren't just a natural occurrence. They are a necessary and essential part of life." That was far more profound than anything I was thinking at that moment.

Suddenly a lot of things became clear. This waiting period in our adoption is most definitely a winter season. And a lot of things have had to die within us (within me) as we wait. Impatience . . . insistence on having my way . . . trying to do God's work for Him instead of waiting on Him . . . my need for perfection . . . all of that has been dying a slow death over this winter period of our lives, but out of this very long winter will come new life within our family. It's just not time for spring yet, but it will be . . . maybe not for a while, but we're closer to the end of winter than the beginning at this point.

God also kindly brought it to my attention that there is beauty in winter. It's not the same beauty that spring holds. It's a beauty all it's own, and if I'm constantly longing for spring, I'll miss the beauty that is right in front of me. If I'm constantly wishing for a referral, I'll forget to cherish the amazing family I have today.

And when it's all said and done isn't that the message of Christ? He came to earth as a babe. He gave His life as a man, and so many thought that all was lost when He died on the cross that day. Never had the future seemed so dark. Yet, out of death came life. Out of the darkest winter season of them all came the most beautiful resurrection of them all. But without death it wasn't possible. There is beauty in the cross just as there is beauty in the resurrection. Each a little different. Both of life changing, earth shattering importance.

"To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven."
Ecclesiastes 3:1 (NKJV)