Because Sometimes You Need An Attitude Adjustment

Patience is a virtue. It's also one of my areas of weakness . . .one of the things with which I struggle the most.

I have been incredibly impatient lately. I am frustrated that we haven't received another referral. I'm frustrated with the prospect of waiting even longer . . . of doing yet another home study update . . . of Andrew growing older while he waits for a sister.

I'm anxious for this referral to come, and everyday I wake up hoping that this will be the day. While I think it's important to wait expectantly, I also know that dwelling on the wait is not healthy. I know it makes me lose sight of what is right in front of me. It makes me a less than pleasant person to be around.

I was praying and telling God how I felt about all of this, and I told Him that I don't know how to not be anxious for another referral. I don't know how to do this waiting time with grace and dignity. And as so often happens, God spoke to me not in words so much but in the gentle way that He impresses on my heart. He reminded me that this isn't about my desire to have a daughter. He well knows that desire. He is more than fine with that desire. This struggle is about me not trusting Him. It's about me being afraid that somehow we're going to miss out on the daughter that is meant for us. That somehow God isn't going to get it right. So yeah . . .

That's not exactly something of which I'm proud, and I won't pretend that I was suddenly magically happy about waiting. But I'm determined to do this God's way. I have no choice but to wait on His timing. There is really no way around that, but I do have a choice about my attitude. How I act (or don't act) while I'm waiting says a lot about me and who I think God really is.

As always, I come back to His Word (to one of my favorite scriptures): Philippians 4:6-7  Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.