Back in Business

I'm back. My little break from blogging has come to an end, and while I'm glad to be back to writing, I have to say I enjoyed the time away from it. 

You see, I remember a world where facebook, twitter, blogs, and high speed (much less wireless) internet did not exist. I remember when we got dial up in high school. I remember it was impossibly slow, and because we didn't know any better, we waited patiently. I remember life without the constant presence of the internet and computers. Yeah, I'm that old, and while I certainly don't see myself giving up my facebook or twitter addiction anytime soon, I also realized that the good 'ole internet has become too much of my life. 

No this is not a graceful exit from blogging. I'm still here and plan on staying for the foreseeable future. This is, however, a re-evaluation of my priorities. I started blogging to share a part of myself, to share about the adoption (which, by the way, is still sailing along smoothly . . . un-eventfully but smoothly none-the-less,) and to write for the sake of writing, but somehow I got lost in comparison and statistics and wondering if someone was reading. I started writing for others instead of writing what I felt when I felt it or rather not writing when I didn't feel it (awkward sentence . . . hope it makes sense). And then it started to become an obligation and not really something I enjoyed. As if I had to do it to please someone. I do that  . . . turn things I enjoy into obligations. It's a bad habit I'm determined to break. So my entries may be fewer and further between, but I'll remember that my two words for this year are relax and grace, and I'll only blog when I feel it not when I feel like I must.

This quote by C.S. Lewis was recently brought to my attention:

"You can’t get second things by putting them first; you can get second things only by putting first things first.” 

It made me stop, and it made me really think. It brought to my attention how often in my life I put second things before first things. My job, the adoption, my child, my marriage, my desires, writing, dreaming, my needs . . . they're all second things. Not a single one is a first thing. There is only one first thing, and that is God. Jesus. The Holy Spirit. I started this year without a real goal, but as we enter the second month of the year, I would have to say that my goal is to put first things first. To seek Him not for what He can do for me . . . not for the needs that need to be met or the problems that need to be solved, but just because He is God. 

I'm not really sure why I tacked that onto the end. It seems kind of random and disconnected from everything else I said, but in truth, I think it's in keeping with my need to back off some. There are times when we must do things out of obligation. It's an unfortunate part of life. But there are also times when we need to step back and make sure that our obligations aren't taking the place of first things. For it's only when we put first things first that we will truly have the heart and energy for the second things in our lives.