My Payback Child

You know how people always talk about a payback child? Well, I was a pretty good kid and teenager. Getting in trouble wasn't my thing. It wasn't that I was perfect or angelic, I just hated getting into trouble with a passion so I did my best to avoid it. And when I went to college I wasn't wild. I didn't party like it was 1999 (even though it was . . . sorry, that was bad, but I couldn't resist). I studied. Hung out with friends. Went to the movies. I wasn't a prude or a hermit, but I thought I had missed the chance of having a payback child by a long mile.

What I didn't realize is that payback comes in many forms. I was what you might call a talkative child, and I was always ready to spout out a stream of absolutely pointless information. Read: I! Never! Shut! Up! Seriously. I talked from the moment I woke up to the moment I, finally, fell asleep. Ask my mother. She endured it. When I was in 5th grade my friends nicknamed me "Radio Station Across the Nation" because I was always broadcasting. Now before you get all "Ohhh, you poor thing. You were bullied." It wasn't bullying. I could've cared less. Like I said . . . nonstop talking. When I got to be a teenager, I curbed it a bit with people I didn't know well, but around people with which I'm comfortable, friends and family, I can still out talk most of them.

When Andrew was born, I talked to him continually. I didn't realize it until someone pointed it out to me. Apparently, not everyone carries on long, drawn out, one sided conversations with their six week old. So when he started talking very early on, and by the age of one had a pretty large vocabulary, I should've realized, I'd created a monster.

I love my child's voice. It's adorable and sweet. But y'all. He! Never! Shuts! Up! Sometimes, my ears are exhausted from the constant stream of questions, "What is the largest green bean ever grown? How big is the biggest volcano? What would happen if the sun exploded? What is the biggest monster truck ever built?", and facts coming out of Andrew's mouth. He oscillates between a walking search engine (constantly searching for information) and a walking encyclopedia. "Did you know that the Argintenasarous was one of the largest dinosaurs that ever lived?" Did you know that the Argintenasarous even existed? Yeah, me neither.

Now, maybe I created this through my nonstop talking and constant Discovery Channel watching. I kind of have a thing about cramming as much useless information into my brain as possible. Or maybe he's just my payback child, and I'm having to endure what my mother had to endure for 18+ years. Either way, I'm thinking a good set of earplugs may be in my near future.

I know some of you are all set to write me a long comment about how I should appreciate my son's neverending talking because there are people in the world who would love to hear their children's voices. Don't bother. I get it. Believe me. I've personally seen more heartache in the lives of friends and family when it comes to babies and children than most people should see in a lifetime. And having endured a very scary birth situation with Andrew, I am more than thankful for his ability to talk, walk, read, and so on. This is a tongue-in-cheek post written to be funny. Of course I appreciate my child's rather extensive vocabulary . . . on most days anyway. ;)