My Take on Dating and Valentine's Day

Disclaimer: It's never good when my posts have disclaimers. Someone, probably quite a few someones, are going to be royally ticked by my first paragraph. My intent is not to tick anyone off, but more, it's to make us look at our very me centered culture, which seems to have worked its way into our marriages. Please read on past the first paragraph as I do have a point beyond the first paragraph.

And as a side note: I'm far from perfect as a wife. I have plenty of me, me, me moments. God is working on that. 

Tonight Patrick and I will go out for Valentine's Day . . . alone. I've told y'all my feelings on dates before. I do think it's important to spend time alone, but I don't buy into the "we must have a special date once every (fill in the blank) or else we'll fall apart" line of thinking. I think we've created this culture of couples, and quiet honestly women, that "need" constant pampering and attention in order to survive marriage. And yet, marriages seem to struggle now more than ever. If you're going to fall apart if your husband (or wife) doesn't do "XYZ" every single month and holiday, maybe take a step back and look at your priorities. So yeah, Patrick and I will go out alone tonight, but 90% of the time Andrew is with us, and that's okay too. He's spent many a Valentine's Day dinner sitting in the booth at the restaurant beside us. We dated for five years before we got married and were married four years before we had Andrew. We had lots of fancy dates so I'm good with a few big dates a year. But we have a VERY traditional marriage with VERY traditional roles (by my choice as much, or more, than his) so I may be way off base in my thinking. (And this is not saying ignore your spouse and worship your kids. I just get so irritated with this culture of excessively fragile marriages that will shrivel up and die without a special date every 4-6 weeks. A movie after the kids are asleep is fine by me.)

I should stop now. I'm digging myself deeper.

Wow . . . sorry, I think Valentine's Day, in particular, gets me pondering these things. So my original topic . . . Valentine's Day. It's a cute, fun little holiday. I just wish it wasn't so over-the-top. I think it's for kids as much as adults, and who doesn't love a little character card with a sticker and a sucker? We don't do big, extravagent gifts or anything major. I look it as more of an opportunity to show my family a little extra love, which I should probably do every day. So tomorrow, Andrew will wake up to a card, some candy, and a book (because I look for reasons to buy books), and tomorrow night I'm going to make a special dinner for all of us. Then we'll do our normal routine. Patrick and Andrew will play (which may involve nerf guns and me hollering at them not to break something) while I clean up what's sure to be a colossal mess in the kitchen. Then we'll probably play a rousing game of Life or Chutes and Ladders or Trouble, and I'll wrestle my child to bed at a hopefully decent hour.

Why tell you all this (because it's, quite honestly, B to the ORING)? I see a lot of people particularly sad this time of year because they are single, and I think it makes many feel like the last kid picked in dodge ball (been there, done that . . . it's a barrel of laughs). I'm telling you, however, don't look at this day or any day as a day or week or month exclusively for couples. Look at it as an opportunity to show love to those who mean the most to you. Maybe that's a best friend who has been there for every up and down. Maybe it's your own kiddo or a niece or a nephew or a whole bunch of nieces and nephews that fill your life with joy. Maybe it's your parents or grandparents. The who doesn't matter. Just look at this as an opportunity to show a little extra love. And please, for the love of your future and your sanity, never settle for less than the best just because you want a date on Valentine's Day or any day.

And that my friends is my take on Valentine's Day. That and a dollar won't even get you a cup of coffee because coffee is expensive these days, but hopefully it will help you look at the whole holiday with a slightly different perspective.