Dealing With It ("It" being the proverbial elephant in the room . . . our adoption process and progress . . . or lack thereof)

Why haven't I posted?

Why haven't I updated?

Have I heard anything?

Well, there's the fact that my computer is currently 99% virus and maybe 1% usable whilst on the internets, but I won't let anyone fix it because I have control issues and a fear of losing all 7,295 photographs on my hard drive. 

There's the fact, that it rained. Not a nice little rain, but more like days and days of torrential downpours, and apparently, all of Texas could've been covered in eight inches of water or some such nonsense. And my parents were flooded in forever . . . or a couple of days . . . it's all the same in Courtneyland. And Andrew's school flooded so the school year ended a day or so early which was actually a blessing in disguise because my child got the virus with all the symptoms (and when I say "all" I mean "ALL" . . . congestion, vomiting, sore throat, coughing . . . yeah) . . . We'll just say Memorial Day Weekend was a bust. 

Then there is the whole yearly "time to do our home study (again)" fiasco. And that has put me in a mood.

But bottom line. I don't want to post yet another "no news" blog. I want to come on here and shout from the rooftops that we're going (back) to Bulgaria. I'm tired of asking for prayers. I'm tired of sounding like I'm whining . . . which is ironic given everything I've written thus far in this post. Seriously y'all if I hear one more time (and I've said all of this countless times myself so don't get your underwear in a bunch) that I need to "trust God's timing" and "He knows when" and "focus on the here and now and be thankful", I might just lose it. 

I know.

I know all of these things. 

I know that it is in God's timing. 

I know He knows.

I know I need to be thankful for what I have. 

I know. 

But it doesn't change anything. It doesn't change how long and hard this wait has been.

It doesn't change the fact that I'm worn out.

It doesn't change the fact that I need some good news.

Maybe you can see why I haven't posted. Whining isn't so super awesome, but writing this is helpful. It helps me to process my feelings. Rarely do I just write what I'm feeling completely unfiltered. Okay maybe, this is a little filtered because well, I still like you people. And I remember when I used to write cute, witty (or at least I thought they were witty) little blog posts with just enough sarcastic humor thrown into the mix. That was nice. I'm sure someday I'll get back to that point, but right now I'm walking a fine line between hopeful expectation and all out anxiety about this wait. And it's really hard to not think about the adoption. It's kind of like pretending you're not 41 weeks pregnant when you obviously are. So please bear with me. Hopefully, I will be able to shout good news soon. Until then I'll just have to put on my big girl panties and deal.