Saying "Yes"

There is a blog post floating around on social media right now. It's extremely popular. I've seen it shared on Facebook multiple times. It's not likely to be read by those who aren't or who haven't adopted. It was a good post. The gist was that in adoption we need to look past the adorable baby photos, the heroics of adopting a special needs child, and the desire to speed up the process and truly understand what the future may hold.

And I totally get it. When we first read Anna's medical report there were parts that terrified me. There were and are still unanswered questions. Some questions we may never have answers to. We said "yes", not with some misguided notion that we were getting a perfect child, we said "yes" to developmental delays, malnutrition, major prematurity, a two year old that could only sort of walk and was nonverbal ... we said "yes" to institutional behaviors (rocking, finger sucking, tantrums), to people staring and asking "why does she do that?"... we said "yes" to a whole myriad of things most of which I'll never discuss here ... but really we said "yes" to our girl. Our smart, sweet, silly, bright, beautiful girl.

So I get it. In my four short months of parenting this way, I've had highs and lows. I've cried and laughed and had meltdowns and laughed again usually all in just the span of a few hours. And I never, never would push a parent to accept a referral for a child they know they can't parent.

But here's the thing, if you want to be completely honest, I'm not qualified to be a parent to either of my children. If you want to be completely honest, none of us know what lies ahead. Medical reports aren't worth much more than the paper on which they're printed. Some have turned out to be far worse. Some have turned out to be much better. And giving birth to a child doesn't exactly guarantee a picture perfect future for them.

So even though, I do get the reasoning behind the blog, I can't say I 100% agree with the blog post, and it kind of rubbed me the wrong way (and this is why I've chosen not to link to it). I do think you need to go into parenting in all its forms with your eyes wide open. I think you need to be aware and work hard and know that there will be heartbreaks and disappointments. But in the end, I think you need to realize that no one is truly qualified. No one is perfect, and life, especially parenting, is full of risks. And adoptive parenting, in particular, holds a million unknowns and "what ifs?". That is why I lean heavily on my Savior each and every day.

I'm very glad we said "yes".

“The reality is that the Lord never calls the qualified; He qualifies the called.” 
― Henry T. Blackaby

(Side note 1: I am not saying to take special needs lightly or rush headlong into something you know you cannot handle. I'm just saying be open to God's leading and don't let fear dominate your choices.)

(Side note 2: I owe y'all Anna's 3rd birthday post. I just need to get it together and get the pics off the real camera.)