A Back To School Story

Just in case anyone is planning on nominating me for Mom of the year ...

Tonight Anna had Meet the Teacher for the new school year. Only in Anna's case it was meet the teachers. She has two main teachers, a pre-k teacher, a paraprofessional, a PE teacher, and three therapists. It's all kinds of insane, and her teacher from last year retired leaving me high and dry. This is probably the point where I should confess that I tend to form unhealthy attachments to my children's teachers, especially during the preschool years. And when they retire, which they seem to have the audacity to do, no matter how wonderful the new teachers, it stresses me the heck out. Have I also mentioned that if you google "helicopter Mom" a picture of me pops up ... I'm joking ... I think ... But seriously I'm just going to own it.

So here I am stressed about meeting Anna's teachers, and because I don't think like a normal person, I  decide that I need to cook and feed the kids an early, healthy dinner before we go to the school. I don't know why I didn't slap some lunch meat on some bread, and be done with it. I didn't. I'm me. So I cook dinner and get everyone settled to eat. Anna asks for a banana. I give her one. At this point, the kitchen is a mess. We have to leave in about 20 min. Both of my kids are still in underwear. Who am I kidding? They are always in underwear. And I'm standing at the island shoveling food in my mouth trying to get done so we can hopefully get out the door on time. It's at this moment that Anna decides to throw part of her banana to Daisy. Now Daisy isn't supposed to have bananas but whatever. I was going to let it slide, but Andrew decided to take matters into his hands. He starts yelling at Anna and subsequently, Daisy, about the banana. Anna, who isn't about to take it from him, decides to respond by knocking her milk on the floor. Those are my kids latest tricks. Andrew's bossiness is out of control, and Anna just throws milk.

And this is when I lost my ever loving mind. I don't even remember what I said. I'm sure it wasn't pretty, but I do remember taking away tv for the rest of their lives. I believe I said "As long as you live here. Forever and ever, you're losing tv." Because I'm super chill like that and not dramatic at all. And let's be real, there's not a chance I'm actually taking away the tv for more than a day much less forever. I like myself more than that. Then I told Andrew to go to his room, and when he got up to go, I told him to sit back down and eat his supper. Anyhow, Patrick walked into the kitchen about this time to find two kids alternately wailing and whining, and psycho Mom ranting about milk, and tv, and telling the 9 year old to stop being so bossy and mind his own business (I don't know where he gets it from). And I only have two kids y'all!

Somehow, we managed to get cleaned up and get out the door. I apologized for yelling and just generally being crazy. And we went and met Anna's teachers. Who are lovely, by the way. Then we got ice cream because I couldn't even deal anymore.

And all the moms say "Hallelujah! Back to school is upon us." Or maybe that's just me...