The Waiting Game

We have officially been in the "waiting" phase of the adoption process since early September. Almost three months down. Anywhere from 20-30 months left to go.

During the last three months, I've been asked no less than 867 times if we've heard anything. If you've asked you can continue to ask away, I don't mind. I love that our family and friends are so supportive and so involved. I can honestly say that it is such a blessing to have such a great support system. I do find it hard to explain that the waiting process is L. O. N. G. . . . long (in case you're wondering you're supposed to spell it the first time). Most people just can't fathom that we would wait that long. That's okay too. It's a choice we made. It's definitely not for everyone, but for us it was the right decision.

Having said all that, I have to admit that I'm a doer and not a waiter. I was born with almost zero patience for waiting, and when I want something done I just go and do it. I can't say that's always a good idea. It's gotten me in trouble more than once. It's gotten me hurt a couple of times. But with this adoption there is nothing I can do. There is no option but waiting. Our caseworker warned me about this. She told me there'd be days when I am fine, and there'd be days when I am incredibly frustrated and discouraged. While I can honestly say, that for now I've had only fine days, we're only at the very beginning of our process. I have had moments of extreme longing (I know dramatic), and moments when I just wish that I had both of my children in tow. . . moments when I wish that it was all said and done. And I'm sure that as the one and then two and even possibly three year marks (let's hope we don't get there) roll around, I'll have a whole lot more moments (hours, days, weeks . . .) of impatience. And I'm sure that you'll here all about it.

But in the meantime I'm learning to wait. Gosh, I hate that word. But I'm learning to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. I always look back and wish I'd cherished the journey a little more. My pregnancy, all eight months of it, had some rough moments, but it also had some awesome moments. I didn't know it would be my only pregnancy, and I'm more than okay with that, but I do wish I had taken time to just enjoy it more. The first six weeks of Andrew's life were extremely difficult. All newborns are hard, but bringing home a premature newborn has to rank up there with some of life's more difficult challenges. Just the same, I wish I'd stressed less about doing everything "right", and just cherished those moments more. I wish that instead of running around like a madwoman, I'd just laid on the couch and let him sleep on my chest more. He's four now, and doesn't like to sleep on my chest anymore. Don't know what that's all about.

I think you get the point. I'm learning to wait. To wait on my husband instead of trying to move the piano by myself (stupid). To wait to open my big mouth (that's a huge work in progress). But mostly I'm learning to wait on God. He has some awesome promises for those that choose to wait on Him.

But those who wait on the LORD
      Shall renew their strength;
      They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
      They shall run and not be weary,
      They shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)