Comparison Trap

So I have this habit as a mother, wife, sister, daughter, teacher, friend, pet owner, . . . Christian . . . you get the point, of comparing myself to others. Comparison is a dangerous thing. When you start comparing you will never measure up, or you will think entirely too highly of yourself. Either way, it's bound to lead to a disaster.

In spite of the fact that I've been told this time and again, I still seem to compare away. And sometimes . . . well honestly, sometimes, I'm pretty proud of myself. I mean have you seen how clean my house is? My clothes are ironed, folded, and put away, and my pantry is alphabetized. And by the way I am a fabulous cook. (Don't take those last three sentences too seriously.) Other times, comparison does nothing but make me feel like dirt.

So the other day, in church none-the-less, I was having a comparison moment. It was during praise and worship, and I was singing my heart out when an annoying little voice (the devil for those confused) whispered, "Do you really think you're good enough to be singing this song? I mean do you really think you have the right to praise." I begin looking around. "Maybe, I'm not." I mean at that moment I would've bet money that I was the only woman in there that had ever yelled at her kid or been obnoxious to her husband. And I firmly believed it was a bet I would win. Thankfully, another voice spoke to me. This one not at all annoying. This one a lot quieter, and honestly, one I fail to hear 99% of the time because in order to hear it, you actually have to shut up and listen. But somehow I heard it this time, "Look around this room. Not a single person in this room is good enough. Not a single person deserves to be here. To be singing praises. Even if you did everything perfectly, if you never committed an outward sin, if you never messed up, your heart would still be all wrong. I am that makes you right. It's my blood that makes you worthy. It's My blood that makes you good enough."

I've always said I believed in a works free salvation meaning that nothing we can do or have done can earn our salvation, but I don't know that I've always believed it. I know that I've always tried to measure up, and well, coming to terms with the fact that I don't isn't easy, and sometimes it just plain stinks. But last Sunday when I realized the truth, that not a single person, aside from Jesus, was or is worthy, it was such a relief. So it only took me 31 years to get that through my thick skull. I'm a swift learner that way.

For the record: When I say I hear voices, I'm not hearing audible voices in my head. I'm not certifiable. I promise. These voices are more like thoughts only I know that they didn't come from me. And the concept of the thought, the whole of what it's saying, comes quickly . . . not necessarily word-for-word. Anyway, thought I should clarify that for y'all. And if God talks to me, He'll talk to you too. All you have to do is be quiet and listen.