Prayer Requests

Okay so here's the deal, I'm a control freak which is an extremely thinly veiled way of saying I'm a worrier. And if I'm having trouble finding something to worry about, I can always create something.

The other thing is, I don't like asking for help, and I particularly don't like asking for prayer. I don't know why. Maybe it means I'm admitting that I don't really have control, which I don't. Maybe it means that I'm weak, which I am. But there are some things going on right now, nothing bad, but just things, that I feel like it's important to pray about. There are big changes coming. There are decisions to be made, and I'm going to move out of comfort zone and ask you to pray. I'm going to trust God to hear these prayers, to answer them in the best way for my family, and the big one, to help me not to worry. Because the good Lord knows I can't do it on my own.

First, our home - We have the plans. We have the lot. We are saving right now toward the down-payment. So now we need our home to sell at the right time. We need a home to live in while we're building. We need wisdom about when to start, and what to do, and who to use for various jobs. We just have a lot of decisions facing us, and I don't want to make mistakes because we don't stop and pray and wait for guidance. I also don't want to be afraid to make decisions because I'm afraid of making a mistake. So yeah, that's perfectly clear and not confusing at all.

Second, my job - I really, really hesitate to put this out there for fear that someone whose kids I taught or that I work with will think that I don't care about my job and the kids I teach. I do. I've taught school for almost ten years, and over the past ten years, I've learned a lot. I've worked hard. I've committed myself, and I feel like I've gotten pretty good at what I do. I'm not perfect. I still make mistakes, but I put a lot into my teaching.

I know to many people it seems like the ideal job. In some ways it is. But over the last ten years, I've seen the workload more than double. I've found myself spending hours upon hours at home working on paperwork just so I'm not weeks behind, and I'm getting to work before seven in the morning in order to get just a little work done. The pressure has become more and more intense, and schools have become more and more competitive, and some days, I think both the kids and I might spontaneously combust.

I know. I sound like I'm ungrateful, and I'm not. I'm extremely grateful that I have a job, and I love the kids. But honestly, I worry that once Allison comes home, both my work and life at home will suffer. I worry that the pressure will affect my parenting in a very negative way. Sometimes, I think it already does. There are days when I leave work so emotionally and physically drained that I just don't want to deal with another problem. And I feel like it's unfair to my family to give more of myself to my job than to them.

My heart's desire, which is really what I'm getting to, is to have a job with more flexibility. I want to have a job where I can be there for my son and daughter. When I went back to work after I had Andrew, he was three months old. I cared. I was upset. I felt like I was abandoning my son, but to tell the truth, he could've cared less. And by the time he was old enough to realize that he was being left everyday, he had adjusted. But with Allison it's going to be different. She will be aware from day one. She will most likely be terrified and confused, and she won't speak English. So while I know that she will most likely have to spend some time away from me, it's very important that we have as much time together as possible to facilitate the bonding between us.

At this point, not working isn't really an option, but I would love to be able to have the flexibility to drop my kids off at school, to go to doctors' appointments and field trips and parties, and well, I would love to have my cake and eat it to. I know that sounds selfish and ridiculous to a lot of people, but I'm putting it out there anyway.

So what exactly do I want prayer for? I have a very hard time putting it into words, or maybe I just think those words sound stupid. I'm asking God to lead me, and guide me, and open the doors that need opening, and close the doors that need closing. I'm asking for, not just a job, but for a place that understands and supports the importance of family. I'm asking for the perfect position for me. Like I said, I'm asking for my cake, and I definitely want to eat it. :)

Wow! That was way longer than I ever intended it to be. Thank you for reading. Thank you for listening. Thank you for praying.