Heartbroken

Edit: I wanted to note that as more information comes out on this horrific event, we've found that it was not a kindergarten class, but a first grade class that was gunned down in cold blood. It doesn't change how utterly devastating this whole thing is. It doesn't change the fact that the lives' of those babies were stolen, but I want my facts to be as accurate as possible. I will not, however, change any of the text below. I wrote it very soon after I heard what had happened, and I wrote what I was feeling . . . the same thing so many Americans were feeling. Those feelings have not changed one iota nor will they.

Today, America once again faced an incomprehensible tragedy. Once again, a man made the decision to walk into a room of people and fire shots and take the lives of others. Once again we ask "why?" all the while knowing it's a question to which we will most likely never have an answer.

It's almost impossible to wrap your mind around the tragedy of it all, but then add to it the fact that the room he walked into was a roomful of kindergartners, that the school he chose to attack was a school full of elementary age children, and the heartbreak only multiplies. When you send your children to school, you expect them to be safe. You expect them to be cared for. You expect them to come home.

Every tragedy we have faced as a country over the years has brought with it sadness and tears, but this has hit home in a way that no other tragedy ever has. I teach public school. I have a room full of kiddos who come to school each day expecting it to be a normal day in every way. We go through safety drills and fire drills and emergency drills never expecting to actually use them never thinking that someone might actually want to come in and harm our children and teachers. I'm also a mother. A mother of a five year old none-the-less. A mother whose son will soon enter kindergarten. A mother who was incredibly thankful to pick up her child from school today and listen to him chatter away, blissfully unaware of all that has transpired.

It's so easy when things like this happen to think we need to do more. To look for ways to make our world safer. To want to stay inside with our doors locked and our blinds closed. To want to hunker down and protect those we love. I think it's an instinct God gave us . . . the instinct to protect our families. And we should . . . we should do everything we can to keep our children safe. But when it comes down to it, it will never be enough, and we have to fight the urge to give in to fear. We have to stand up and face it head on.

In times like this, I feel like I know very little. The little bit of earthly wisdom I have isn't worth fifty cents. But for all the things I do not know, I do know this: God loves us, and He was not in this. He was not behind this. He is not for this. We live in a fallen world. A world where evil and free will have come together to make choices that cause immense pain and suffering for others, but God is not the cause of it. In fact, it is quite the opposite. Instead, He is the source of comfort in the midst of sorrow and devastation. He loves you and He loves me, and He wants nothing more than to bring comfort and peace to our lives.

No matter what we do we will never be able to protect our children from all the evils of the world. We will never be able to stop all the sorrows, the tragedies, the sicknesses, and all the devastation they will face. We have to leave them in God's hands trusting Him to take care of them.

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

Psalm 91:1-2

He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.

I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress;

My God, in Him I will trust.”