Parent Like a Champion

Also known as how to confuse your kid and thus avoid having to actually say "yes" or "no" as the case may be. (By the way, I totally ripped that title off of a book we've been reading at work called "Teach Like a Champion".)

It's actually quite an art. And I feel that Patrick and I have done a swell job of perfecting it.

It starts with a question from your child, "Can I have ice cream? . . . Can I stay up all night? . . . Can I sleep on the couch? . . . Can I jump off the roof?" Just kidding on the last one . . . at least I hope I'm kidding. The question in and of itself doesn't matter. What does matter is that you're tired, and you want to say "no", but you also want to do everything possible to avoid being a responsible parent at that exact moment a battle. So rather than answer, you defer to your spouse, "You know, you'll have to ask your Dad/Mom and see what they say."

The pitter patter of little feet fades into the distance as your child beats it into the other room to ask the same question of the other parent. If you're lucky (and your spouse hasn't figured this game out yet) you've safely shifted the responsibility to someone else's shoulders. Now, if the answer turns out to be a disaster, you cannot be held responsible, and the problem is solved.

Of course, if your spouse just so happens to be an expert in this department they'll deftly shift the responsibility back to you, "Well what does your Mom/Dad say?" And once again you hear the pitter patter of those little feet. Only this time they're getting louder as they approach you to ask the same question for the third time.

At this point, you have a choice to make. You can:
A. Actually answer. I don't recommend this. It defeats the whole purpose of the avoidance approach.
B. Try to send your child back to other parent for another spin on the merry-go-round, but he/she is likely to catch on if you keep this up.
C. Try the ultimate avoidance tactic and tell them you'll have to think about it in hopes that the child will forget whatever it is he/she is asking for. You have about a 50/50 shot with this one.

Even though it's risky, if we get to the point where I have to pick from A, B, or C, I usually go with C. It's basically deferred decision making. A way to buy yourself some time while you come up with a valid reason why your child cannot jump off the roof. Not that you really need one. It just makes life a whole lot easier.

And that ladies and gentlemen is how you parent like a champion.