For the Class of 2018 (and anyone who cares . . .)

It's that time of year again. School is coming to a close. Summer is upon us. Graduations are happening left and right. For the past five years or so, I've watched my former students graduate from high school and go forward into this big wide world. They've followed different paths. Some are in the military. Some have careers. Many have gone to college. But one thing holds true, most of them are pretty dang amazing. And while I have no great delusions regarding my role in their lives, I am so very proud of them.

I've been thinking about what I would say to these kids, just moments away from becoming adults, if I could. And this is what I've come up with.

This is not the big climax to your life. It's only the beginning. It's the beginning of big things no matter what you're doing tomorrow or next week or next year. Just remember, you have to take ownership. You have to do your part in making those things happen.

• Work hard. There's a verse in the bible that basically says, "Whatever you do, do it as unto the Lord . . ." (paraphrased from Colossians 3:23-24), and y'all this is the best advice I can give you. If you do things for others and even for yourself, you'll always reach a point where you're burnt out and tired and disappointed. But when you do things for God, not just in theory but in reality, you'll find strength only He can give.
• Don't rush the next step. We're always looking for what's next. Goals are good. Goals are important, but also, as cliché as it sounds, seize the day. You won't get it back.
• Having said that . . . college is not a career. It's a means to an end, and so, know when it's time to move on.
• Take risks. Not the kind of risks that will give your mama a heart attack, but the kind of risks that change people's lives. You can always dream bigger. 
• Don't drink and drive. Ever.
• Live generously. Give. Volunteer. Do something for someone other than yourself.
• Laugh everyday, and be with people who give you life. If someone only takes and sucks you dry, it might be time to move on. Just sayin'.
• Find a career, not a job, but a career that you love. And yes, "stay at home mom" is absolutely a career, but so is chief executive of a large company. It's up to you, and you may do both, or you may do neither in your lifetime.
• But on the way to finding that career you still have to work hard. See my first point. There's no shame in any job as long as you show up and do your best.
• Go to church. Trust God. Pray. Seriously, you'll find that life is much easier and much more valuable with Jesus than without.

You are amazing, and you are meant to do great things. God didn't create anyone boring or ordinary. He created unique and extraordinary. That's you. 

Catching Up

I am so far behind . . . I know.

2018 is literally flying by. We've been busy. The kids have been great. School is almost over, and we are all looking forward to summer.

A few highlights from our year thus far . . .

Our winter was unusually cold and long. Or maybe it's just that the past few winters have been warm and short. Either way two "snow" days in one year (the second was just ice :/) is kind of unheard of around these parts.

Regardless, we were happy to see spring arrive. Sort of. It kind of kept teasing us, but we were able to spend a day at the zoo over spring break which was fun.

And of course, spring means Anna's birthday. And was this little girl ever excited to be turning five. I'm telling y'all. I think we celebrated her birthday for two solid weeks.

Easter Sunday was absolutely beautiful, and we enjoyed going to church and then spending the afternoon with family.

And a couple weeks ago, Mom, Sarah, and I snuck away to Charleston for a few days. It was a much needed time of rest and relaxation  . . . and food . . . oh my gosh, so much food. 

The kids are doing good. Everyone is ready for summer which will be here before we know it. Anna will be going into kindergarten with some supports to start with. She's made so much progress this year. She's talking up a storm and has made huge academic gains as well but still is emotionally behind so we're taking her entrance into kindergarten slowly. We don't want to overwhelm her to the point of causing her to shut down, but we have some pretty big goals ahead for our Miss Priss. And I have no doubt she'll succeed. 

Andrew will be going into 5th grade. Somebody hold me. When did my firstborn grow up? He's definitely growing into a thoughtful, caring, Godly, albeit sometimes a bit absent minded, young man. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for his future.

So that's it. Your very quick update. I'll try to hop on here more often and keep you posted on our goings on. I've been encouraged by my 10th grade English teacher (I kind of had the best high school English teachers) to consider submitting some of my writing for publication. So I'm going to start writing more but not necessarily posting it on here. I'm not sure how to go about it all at this point, but I'm looking into it. It has always been a dream of mine to be a real deal, bona fide (nothing like using too many adjectives) writer so I'll keep y'all posted on that, and we'll see if anything comes of it.

Otherwise, have a great weekend and a great end of spring everyone!

On Marriage

My disclaimer: This started as a facebook  post, but I quickly realized I needed to bring it over to my poor old neglected blog for a couple of reasons. First, it's just too long for a facebook post. Sorry about that. Please bear with me. Secondly, I wanted to make sure that while writing this, I also conveyed a message of hope and not condemnation. What I've written has to do with marriage, and the state of marriage in our culture. If I'm truthful, I'll tell you I hate divorce. It's destructive. It is damaging. And most importantly it was never part of God's plan for our lives. Having said that, I need to acknowledge that many of my friends and family are divorced. Some because their spouse broke the marriage vows they made to them before God. Infidelity, abuse, and abandonment sadly do happen, and sometimes there is no other option but to divorce that person. In particular, when the person is unrepentant, or it happens over and over again (which is kind of the definition of unrepentant). The other thing I need to acknowledge is I have friends and family, whom I love dearly, that have gone through divorces for other reasons, and I want them to know that, while I find it heartbreaking, I want them to live a life full of hope and promises from God. I want God's absolute best for them regardless of whether they choose to stay single or marry again.

So what started all this marriage talk? It was actually after watching former President George H.W. Bush mourn the loss of his wife this past weekend, that I really started thinking. They were married 73 years! When I read that the other day I realized what a drop in the bucket our (upcoming) 15 years of marriage and 20 years together really are. They were kids when they got married, and I have no doubt that their marriage weathered many storms and changes. Losing their daughter was just one of the storms.

It also made me stop and think ... a lot. About marriage. About our culture and how marriage is viewed. Our culture doesn’t value marriage anymore. We see it as something that’s easy enough to get rid of if things don’t go the way we want. Marriage in our culture is disposable. We go into marriage with emotional feelings of love, but reality doesn’t always support the “in love” feelings. When we have bills to pay and kids to take care of and jobs that keep us busy it can be hard. Some days you feel in love. Some days you really don’t like each other. Some days you’ll go out of the way to make each other happy. Some days you’ll fight and both act like jerks. It’s just the way it is. But I’ll tell you this, marriage is sacred and when you take those vows you aren’t just taking them for one another. You’re taking them before God, and that’s serious business. Anything short of legitimate abuse, abandonment, or infidelity, you have taken a vow to work through. It doesn’t mean you’ll want to. It doesn’t mean it’ll be all sunshine and roses tomorrow, but I promise, at the end of the day (or 73 years) it’ll be so worth it.

I do not have the perfect marriage. I have a good marriage, and most days I'd even say I have a great marriage. But perfect it is not. The whole submissive wife thing is kind of challenging for me, and sometimes it's just not my cup of tea. Sometimes, I choose to argue and fight and act immature. And lest you think Patrick is perfect (haha), believe me he has his moments too. I won't throw him under the bus here, but my point is, we're not perfect. We're two strong willed people learning how to put the other person's needs before our own. I'm sure if some of you got a peek at us on some days, you'd probably have to pick your jaw up off the floor. Our families have been "blessed" enough to witness some of our finer moments including the time we almost threw down in the middle of Haverty's over a couch of all the crazy things. We can laugh about it now, but at the time it was far from funny. I don't say all this to make us look bad, but to tell you I get it, I totally get it. Marriage can be hard. Marriage can also be amazing if you do it God's way.

So here's my groundbreaking marriage advice. Whether you're getting married soon, are already married and are happy, are married and are struggling, are on your second, third, or eighth marriage . . . 

Put God first in your personal life. Then you put Him first in your marriage (even if your spouse isn’t on board, you hold God up as the head of your marriage). The Bible has some stuff to say about marriage. It's a good idea to read it (a few scripture references found below) because no matter what your marriage currently looks like, the best advice on how to live your life, and subsequently live out your marriage, is found in God's Word.

Trust God to heal what needs to be healed, to change what needs to be changed, and to redeem what needs to be redeemed. Lean into Him. Pray for your spouse, not just for God to change him/her, but for God to heal and set free. Because, surprisingly, despite what the world may say, healing is not found in walking away but in turning to Jesus to fix what is broken.  

Scriptures: 

Proverbs 31:10-31 (a virtuous wife)

Ephesians 5:22-33

Colossians 3:18-19

Hebrews 13:4

1 Corinthians 13

There are definitely more scriptures to read on the subject of marriage and family, but this is a good starting point.

Year End Wrap Up

And just like that 2017 is coming to an end. It's kind of mind boggling that 2018 is only hours away. How is that even possible?

I haven't always loved the start of the New Year. I'm not sure why, but I think it has something to do with the abrupt (maybe not so abrupt???) end to the holiday season, and the jump into, what are often, the coldest, dreariest months of the year. But with each passing year, the days seem to go by more quickly, and I know that the holiday season will roll around again before we know it.

We're ending our December on a cold note here in Central Texas. We had a great month, and yes, it was cold. Especially, for us. No I do not need anyone to compare our temperatures to the frozen tundra also known as anything North of Texas. We aren't super equipped for really cold weather in these parts, and we're certainly not equipped for any wintery precipitation. Not at all. A few weeks ago we had snow. Typically, Central Texas snow is icy and sleety and a huge mess. But this was amazing, beautiful snow, and we were totally surprised by it. It wasn't predicted or expected, but it was a great way to welcome the Christmas season.

It started snowing while I was grocery shopping for a party we were having the next night, and it didn't stop for a couple hours. 

The kids were pretty excited about our temporary winter wonderland. 

As usual, December was a crazy, busy month with lots of Christmas fun and activities, and a little sickness thrown in just to keep us on our toes. We are now in Christmas de-tox mode here, and trying to get back to some sense of normalcy and structure and decent behavior. 

All dressed up for Patrick's office party which we hosted.

Christmas Celebrations, Parties, and Programs at the kids' schools

Ready for her last day before Christmas Break

Christmas Eve Shenanigans at home and at Mimi and Opa's House

Christmas Day at Home

I'm not really a huge fan of resolutions. I do have a goal of getting back in shape. It seems like every time I start to get back on track, someone gets sick or we get busy, and I find myself saying, "I'll work out tomorrow." So beyond that, I just want to enjoy 2018 and as cliché as it sounds, because we all know I love a good cliché, I want to cherish and appreciate each moment, be less busy and less OCD, and live more in each moment (cliché . . . I warned you).

May you have a Happy and Blessed New Year!

From my crazies to yours . . . 

Missing In Action

So it's been a while. Okay, more than a while. Sorry. Things got kind of crazy around these parts.

School started back, and both kids are doing well and having a great year! Anna got off to kind of a rough start, and I'll admit, I wanted to throw in the towel about two weeks in. But we stuck it out, and she's been doing really well lately. It's been amazing to see her progress. Her language has exploded. She's socializing, and she's growing into quite the little preschooler.

We moved ... which is the biggest reason I've been completely M.I.A. We finished the house at the end of August and moved early September. Along with unpacking, cleaning, organizing, etc. we've had less than stellar Internet service so blogging hasn't really been an option. I'm hoping that's fixed now because I need Netflix in my life.

Andrew turned 10!!! How did this happen? I mean seriously, ten!

We took the kids to the beach for a long weekend at the end of October which was fun. It was Anna's first time to go to the beach. She was nervous at first but once she warmed up she did fabulous. My parents got a condo at the same place as us which was fun, and also nice to have an extra set or two of hands when Anna got sick on the last day of our trip. :(

We also finished our last post placement report for Bulgaria. Woohoo! It feels good to be free of paperwork for the first time in almost seven, yes I said seven, years.

And there you have it. The last three months summed up in a (very) brief blog post. I'd like to promise I'll be back here regularly, but I don't think that would be honest. I'm not shutting down the blog or anything, but life with two kiddos is busy and fun and busy. And blogging takes time that I don't always have or want to give. But I will try to pop over from time to time and give y'all an update. And here are some photos to tied you over.

Back to school (Pre-Kk and 4th grade)

And

A few beach pics . . .

Someone thought playing chase on the beach was fun. My mom caught us in action. 

And of course, because I like seeing what other people's houses look like so I assume I'm not alone, house photos . . . 

A Back To School Story

Just in case anyone is planning on nominating me for Mom of the year ...

Tonight Anna had Meet the Teacher for the new school year. Only in Anna's case it was meet the teachers. She has two main teachers, a pre-k teacher, a paraprofessional, a PE teacher, and three therapists. It's all kinds of insane, and her teacher from last year retired leaving me high and dry. This is probably the point where I should confess that I tend to form unhealthy attachments to my children's teachers, especially during the preschool years. And when they retire, which they seem to have the audacity to do, no matter how wonderful the new teachers, it stresses me the heck out. Have I also mentioned that if you google "helicopter Mom" a picture of me pops up ... I'm joking ... I think ... But seriously I'm just going to own it.

So here I am stressed about meeting Anna's teachers, and because I don't think like a normal person, I  decide that I need to cook and feed the kids an early, healthy dinner before we go to the school. I don't know why I didn't slap some lunch meat on some bread, and be done with it. I didn't. I'm me. So I cook dinner and get everyone settled to eat. Anna asks for a banana. I give her one. At this point, the kitchen is a mess. We have to leave in about 20 min. Both of my kids are still in underwear. Who am I kidding? They are always in underwear. And I'm standing at the island shoveling food in my mouth trying to get done so we can hopefully get out the door on time. It's at this moment that Anna decides to throw part of her banana to Daisy. Now Daisy isn't supposed to have bananas but whatever. I was going to let it slide, but Andrew decided to take matters into his hands. He starts yelling at Anna and subsequently, Daisy, about the banana. Anna, who isn't about to take it from him, decides to respond by knocking her milk on the floor. Those are my kids latest tricks. Andrew's bossiness is out of control, and Anna just throws milk.

And this is when I lost my ever loving mind. I don't even remember what I said. I'm sure it wasn't pretty, but I do remember taking away tv for the rest of their lives. I believe I said "As long as you live here. Forever and ever, you're losing tv." Because I'm super chill like that and not dramatic at all. And let's be real, there's not a chance I'm actually taking away the tv for more than a day much less forever. I like myself more than that. Then I told Andrew to go to his room, and when he got up to go, I told him to sit back down and eat his supper. Anyhow, Patrick walked into the kitchen about this time to find two kids alternately wailing and whining, and psycho Mom ranting about milk, and tv, and telling the 9 year old to stop being so bossy and mind his own business (I don't know where he gets it from). And I only have two kids y'all!

Somehow, we managed to get cleaned up and get out the door. I apologized for yelling and just generally being crazy. And we went and met Anna's teachers. Who are lovely, by the way. Then we got ice cream because I couldn't even deal anymore.

And all the moms say "Hallelujah! Back to school is upon us." Or maybe that's just me...

Boundaries

If you haven't read my last post, on forgiveness, take a few moments to read it here.

Forgiveness is an absolute must in our lives, but sometimes, so are boundaries. I am not a mental health professional. I'm just a person who has learned a little from life experiences both in making mistakes and likely hurting others and in things others have done to hurt me. In both situations, I have to choose how I will react. I can apologize and/or forgive, respectively, or I can be stubborn, harbor bittnerness, and let my heart get hard.

Having said all of that, you can forgive and still set boundaries. Yesterday, my pastor from college, Todd Nelson (Christian Faith Center, San Angelo), shared this article by Dr. Henry Cloud entitled, How Boundaries Keep Jerks Out of Your Life. Hey I didn't write the title! But I encourage you to read the article. I shared the article on Facebook with this comment from me: "In keeping with my post about forgiveness, this is a great article by Dr. Cloud on boundaries. You can walk in love and forgiveness without letting people walk all over you, manipulate you, and push you around. If they don't like the healthy boundaries set then so be it."

And Pastor Todd commented on my post, "Yes, so healthy and helpful when people realize forgiveness AND healthy boundaries can co-exist. Forgiveness is freely given because we have been forgiven, but trust is earned by honoring boundaries over time."

He is absolutely correct and spot on. Forgiveness is something that happens inside of us. It's a heart change. A choice not to hold a grudge. Not to let bitterness, anger, and hatred set up camp. But it doesn't mean that you become a proverbial punching bag for others.

Throughout my 36 years on this earth, I've had the "pleasure" of dealing with more than a few people who only want a relationship with you if you bend to their will. They often try to manipulate others to do what they want. Sometimes that includes lying, brute force, tantrums, and pouting. If and when you get the the courage to express your own feelings and opinions, if they don't line up with theirs, you will be punished. (Side note: I also, have to check my own behaviors and motives for signs of manipulation, and it's something I work actively against.)

When you stand up to someone that is trying to control and manipulate you, you are automatically taking a step towards setting boundaries. Sometimes we concede to others. Sometimes others concede to us. But there needs to be balance. So how do we know if we're being manipulated? If your feelings or opinions never matter. If everytime you express an opposing opinion, the other person gets angry, and you're afraid that anything that opposes what they want is going to set off a huge drama, you're likely being manipulated.

One of the greatest manipulators of all time can be found in the Old Testament. Even if you're not overly familiar with the Bible, you've likely heard of Jezebel. Time and space do not permit me to go into all the details here, but she was extremely manipulative and domineering. She incited her husband, the king, and ultimately the Children of Israel to worship Baal. She killed the phrophets of God among other horribly wicked things, and the prophet, Elijah,  was tasked with dealing with her. If you take the time to read 1st & 2nd Kings you will find an account of her life as queen (and subsequent demise).

The question is, "How do we walk with forgiveness in our hearts yet still deal with these people?". Well first, you have to make the decision to forgive, and determine that no matter what hate will not be allowed to take root. Oftentimes, distance and space are necessary in order to keep yourself emotionally (and sometimes physically) safe. The amount of distance will depend on the situation, but if someone is physically (and often emotionally) abusive, you need to get away, cut contact, and get help. I cannot emphasize that enough. In other, less dire, situations, you need to know that your feelings and opinions matter. For a long time, I wouldn't express my opinions if I thought they would anger others, and to some extent I still struggle with this fear. We are called to be peacemakers, and we should not pick a fight just for the sake of fighting (not that I've ever done this ...). But just as that other person has a right to certain feelings and beliefs, so do you. And you deserve to be treated with respect. The caveat is, you're going to have to be okay with the other person being angry and shutting you out. If you do or say something wrong, absolutely own it and apologize, but don't go after the other person doing everything you can to make them happy even at the cost of your own peace and sanity. You'll only feed the problem.

So there you have it. My, non-expert, thoughts on boundaries. And again, if you're in a close relationship with this kind of dynamic (i.e. a marriage) and are struggling with how to deal, I encourage you to seek out the help of a Christian mental health professional.

Stay tuned for more discussion on character traits, including my personal favorite (and biggest struggle), perfectionism.

On Forgiveness and Attitudes

Hi my name is Courtney, and I'm insanely introverted. I'm not shy. If you get to know me well enough, you'll find I'm actually a pretty talkative person. But shallow relationships take energy I'm not always willing to expend. I don't have any a lot of patience with high maintenance relationships. I'm not overly emotional (I'm working on being more open), and I struggle with relationships and people that aren't straightforward. I don't understand enabling, pouting, or game playing so I tend to limit those type of relationships.

Are all of these bad traits? Not necessarily. I truly believe God made me the way I am. But at the same time we live in a fallen world where struggles do exist and often our good personality traits get morphed into something not so great.

You see, I'm pretty good at forgiving once or twice or maybe, even three times, but keep on piling on the offenses, and I start to struggle. Hurt my husband or my kids and the claws come out. You know the old adage, "Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice shame on me."? Yeah, I can throw up walls stronger than Fort Knox in a minute, and good luck getting past them. But then there's that scripture in Matthew 18:21-22 ... you know, the one where Peter asks Jesus how many times he should forgive his brother. Peter was like, "Not more than seven times, right?!" And Jesus responds, "I do not say to you, up to seven times, but up to seventy times seven." Which basically means to infinity and beyond. And then he goes on to say later in the same passage that we have to forgive to be forgiven. I'm sure Peter was like, "Dude!!!" But Jesus said it so that settles it. (Obviously, this is paraphrased. Please take some time to read Matthew 18 for yourself.)

It's not just the walls. It's my whole attitude. I want you to know how I feel. I want to make you feel how I feel. You don't have to tell me it's not very Christlike. It's not something about myself that makes me proud. And I'm sure that's why this particular scripture keeps popping up in so many of my devotions.

“Therefore 'If your enemy is hungry, feed him; If he is thirsty, give him a drink; For in so doing you will heap coals of fire on his head.' Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good.”
‭‭Romans‬ ‭12:20-21‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

I've been really convicted by this scripture lately. The truth is, for the most part, I'm good with people, but there are some areas and some people that have hurt me. Some very badly over many years, and I have to fight growing weary in doing good. I don't always do the best job of overcoming evil with good. I don't always want to. Sometimes I choose not to. But I'm asking God to help me and change that part of me. I'm asking Him to teach me to "keep no record of wrongs" (1 Corinthians 13). And I'm asking you to join me in this. I'm sure I'm not the only one who struggles in this area, and we need the support and help of others. (Even us introverts. ;))

Note:
Something that needs to be said because I don't want anyone to use this as an excuse to stay in a toxic, abusive, or codependent relationship. There are times in your life when you need to set boundaries and stay firm. Jesus was not manipulated by others, and He did not call us to stay in a relationship that is abusive and dangerous. If it's your marriage, you need to seek wise advice from a Godly counselor that can help you make the right choices (if you are in immediate danger you may need to leave and do that from a distance). If it's another relationship, you need to ask God to guide you in how to set healthy boundaries. Forgiveness is more about God changing your own heart and mind than about changing the other person. It is highly possibly their crummy behavior will continue, and you have to be wise and discerning in order to forgive and not continue to be abused and/or enable the other person.

Hello!

I haven't blogged in quite a while. Oops. School ended, we're building a house and trying to sell this one, I spent a long weekend in Florida with some girlfriends (glorious), my brother got married, Anna is potty training (she's doing great at home but struggling when we go out), and life has been generally crazy. I'm not going to even try to catch up but thought I'd throw out a few pics of our goings on for y'all!

Andrew finished third grade. He had a spectacular year, and he's on the fourth. Hard to believe!

I love these ladies so much. We met through adoption, and we're spread out all over the country. But I don't know what I'd do without them.

Patrick and I snuck away for a much needed night in San Antonio. 

And Uncle Stoney's wedding. We had a blast.

My cousin and her husband and kids drove down from Kansas for my brother's wedding. This is a couple days later hanging out at my sister's.

Some pics of the new house. These are a few weeks old. We're hoping to move mid-late August. 

And just a few more summer fun pictures. I'm pretty sure my kids are part fish.

Hope everyone is enjoying their summer!