Quick Update

This is going to be fast because I'm tired. Ha!

Anna is seeming to really understand a whole lot more and is definitely starting to settle into her role as resident youngest child and princess of the household.  I don't think I fully appreciated what it's like to be thrown into a whole new language, environment, family, etc. She has done very well all things considered. I also did not fully appreciate what it's like to bring a toddler with a developed personality and opinions into the family. It's  a steep learning curve for all involved, but I feel like things are starting to even out, and we're all finding out footing.

Overall Anna's receptive language appears to be growing by leaps and bounds. Her expressive language is lagging behind the receptive which is normal, but boy does it lead to some tantrums. That and just flat out not getting her way. In a lot of ways I feel like we brought home a 2 year old infant who has now grown into a toddler and is testing her limits. The biggest struggle is that she is very physical in her tantrums. She's also very loud. Thankfully, they aren't long, and she usually loses interest once she realizes she's not getting her way.

She's also been giving and receiving more affection lately, and most exciting is the fact that she's started to pay more attention to Andrew. Up until the past couple weeks she could take him or leave him, but now she thinks he's pretty cool.

So things are good, but I wouldn't be honest if I said they were always easy. They aren't. Some days I can't wait for Patrick to walk through the door, and others I feel like I could conquer the world and raise all the kids (those are the days I'm delusional in case you're wondering).

Please pray for Anna's continued growth and development especially, in the realm of language development. Please pray for Patrick and I to have continued strength and wisdom in exactly how to handle both of our kiddos.

And as always thank you, and we love you.

Anna Turns Three

On March 22 our Anna girl turned three. As much as I wanted to throw a huge party, I knew it would only overwhelm and confuse her. So we kept it low key. She was pretty perplexed by the candles and the cake and the presents. But the tissue paper? The tissue paper made her day. She laughed and ran around the house with it forever. 

This little girl has come so far. She's grown physically, emotionally, mentally ... Some days I get worried about the road ahead of her. Some days are beautiful. Some days are hard. But no matter what the day has held, I have to stop and remind myself that God has been faithful, and He's not going to stop now. 

Third birthday stats: 

Height: 34 inches (she's grown almost 3 inches)

Weight: 25 lbs! (That's 7 lbs in less than 4 months)

She's saying quite a few words: mama, dada, more, night night, Apple, yee haw, uh oh, ba (for bath), brush, raw raw (for row row row your boat) ... I'm sure I'm forgetting something

For reasons I cannot explain, I can't move my pictures around. The one in the stroller was taken at her three year well check. 

Saying "Yes"

There is a blog post floating around on social media right now. It's extremely popular. I've seen it shared on Facebook multiple times. It's not likely to be read by those who aren't or who haven't adopted. It was a good post. The gist was that in adoption we need to look past the adorable baby photos, the heroics of adopting a special needs child, and the desire to speed up the process and truly understand what the future may hold.

And I totally get it. When we first read Anna's medical report there were parts that terrified me. There were and are still unanswered questions. Some questions we may never have answers to. We said "yes", not with some misguided notion that we were getting a perfect child, we said "yes" to developmental delays, malnutrition, major prematurity, a two year old that could only sort of walk and was nonverbal ... we said "yes" to institutional behaviors (rocking, finger sucking, tantrums), to people staring and asking "why does she do that?"... we said "yes" to a whole myriad of things most of which I'll never discuss here ... but really we said "yes" to our girl. Our smart, sweet, silly, bright, beautiful girl.

So I get it. In my four short months of parenting this way, I've had highs and lows. I've cried and laughed and had meltdowns and laughed again usually all in just the span of a few hours. And I never, never would push a parent to accept a referral for a child they know they can't parent.

But here's the thing, if you want to be completely honest, I'm not qualified to be a parent to either of my children. If you want to be completely honest, none of us know what lies ahead. Medical reports aren't worth much more than the paper on which they're printed. Some have turned out to be far worse. Some have turned out to be much better. And giving birth to a child doesn't exactly guarantee a picture perfect future for them.

So even though, I do get the reasoning behind the blog, I can't say I 100% agree with the blog post, and it kind of rubbed me the wrong way (and this is why I've chosen not to link to it). I do think you need to go into parenting in all its forms with your eyes wide open. I think you need to be aware and work hard and know that there will be heartbreaks and disappointments. But in the end, I think you need to realize that no one is truly qualified. No one is perfect, and life, especially parenting, is full of risks. And adoptive parenting, in particular, holds a million unknowns and "what ifs?". That is why I lean heavily on my Savior each and every day.

I'm very glad we said "yes".

“The reality is that the Lord never calls the qualified; He qualifies the called.” 
― Henry T. Blackaby

(Side note 1: I am not saying to take special needs lightly or rush headlong into something you know you cannot handle. I'm just saying be open to God's leading and don't let fear dominate your choices.)

(Side note 2: I owe y'all Anna's 3rd birthday post. I just need to get it together and get the pics off the real camera.)

Easter

Easter morning started off gray and dreary. It was damp and chilly, and certainly, not what one would call a beautiful Easter morning. But as the day progressed, the sun came out, and the damp cool air was replaced by a soft, beautiful breeze. It made me think of the first Easter Sunday so many years ago. How dark and dismal the world must have seemed as that day dawned. The grief must have been unbearable as the women went to the tomb only to be shocked to find it empty. And the revelation that Jesus was alive brought a lifting of the heaviness and the light shone through. 

Easter was good. It was busy, and the first holiday that Anna got to celebrate with family. I tried to get pictures, but photographing an eight year old and a toddler is not an easy task. By Sunday afternoon Miss Anna was exhausted and crashed in my parents' hammock (yes we were right there). 

On Attachment

Attachment is a tricky thing. It doesn't happen in three days, or three weeks, or even three months. Most people don't understand the attachment process, and after explaining it until I'm blue in the face, I've concluded that most people don't really care to understand it. Which is why, even at the three month point, even though Anna is learning slowly that we're her family, I'm still hesitant to go many places. Why? Because people make it about them and not her. They just have to hold her even when I'm trying with everything to keep her focus on us. It happens over and over again, and if they do decide to respect the boundaries we've set, they make sure we know how put out they are about it. How inconvenienced they are and unfair it is. How important it is that she know who they are. And frankly, it's not worth the stress. It's not worth dealing with angry friends and family. So it's just easier to stay home and hide. But at three (plus) months post placement, we have to get out. There are things we need to do. And it's unfair to Andrew for us to never do anything fun.

So once again, I'm going to try to explain where Anna is and what we need from you. And I know there will be those that understand and try, but there will be those that continue to say things like, "See she likes me, and she wanted to come to me." And I will continue to take her back because I'm her mother, and she needs to understand that it is not okay to just go to every person that reaches for you and makes a silly face. In fact, in this day and age it can be dangerous.

Anna is learning what the concept of a family is, but in her almost three years in an orphanage, she had multiple caregivers. Some stayed for months. Some for years, but the idea of permanency is not only new but hard to grasp. She likes us a lot. She smiles and laughs (and tantrums and gets angry sometimes) for us. She sometimes gives us hugs and kisses, and no it's not cute if she tries to kiss you. Again, it's not normal for a three year old to kiss people she hardly knows. But here's the deal, when one of us is gone, she also doesn't really notice. Right now it is all very "out of sight out of mind". She's very happy when we return, but if we didn't, at this point, she'd probably adjust pretty quickly. I'm not saying that for sympathy or for people to say, "All kids do this." That statement drives me crazy. Because not all kids were abandoned. Not all kids suffered hunger and neglect and lived in an orphanage with 200 other kids and no one to truly meet their needs.

So what do we need from you? We need support. We need you to direct her attention back to us if she reaches for you. We need you to not get your feelings hurt and understand that she's still learning and adjusting. And bottom line, we need you to understand that Anna is a little person, who has suffered immense loss in her short life. She's not a circus sideshow for everyone to ogle. Do I believe that God is healing her wounds? Absolutely, and I also believe that the Holy Spirit guides us and gives us wisdom as parents. So I'm asking you to come alongside us in this.

I realize this post is a bit of a rant, but I also think it needs to be said. I'm not an overly confrontational person, but I feel like sometimes you just have to put it out there.