A Beautiful Mess

This morning during praise and worship my husband led the wildly popular worship song "How He Loves Us". I have to admit something . . . it's never been my favorite song. But it's grown on me, and it really does have a great message. It's just that the original version of the song uses the words "sloppy wet kiss", and that has always irked me. It somehow seems improper and inappropriate and uncouth. The song has been redone using the words "unforeseen kiss" to replace the "sloppy wet kiss" line. We typically sing the redone version. It makes me feel better. I approve.

But this morning, Patrick, in the the heat of the moment, in the passion of praise and worship sang the words "sloppy wet kiss". I could immediately, in the heat of the moment, in the passion of praise and worship feel the annoyance rising up inside of me. "Doesn't he know how improper that is? How dare he use such terminology in church? It sounds so messy! So tacky! So emotional . . . " And in that moment, in the midst of my little self imposed tirade (which I fully intended to later impose on my husband), God stopped me, and what came to mind . . . well, I can tell you this much, it wasn't me. Because I don't think this way. Not for a moment.

He (He referring to God) told me that He isn't proper and appropriate by this world's standards or by my standards for that matter . . . not even close. He is the God that dined with tax collectors, that healed on the Sabbath, that hung out with sinners. He's isn't here to fit into my perfect, appropriate, and neat little compartments. When He gets involved, things get messy. It's not a lack of excellence, and it's not wrong. As a matter of a fact, it's just the opposite. When He gets in the middle of my perfectly organized, self-control driven, OCD, type A life and personality, that by all outward appearances seems to be "just right", He turns it upside down. He messes it all up. And those perfect little compartments? They don't seem so perfect anymore. It's not about perfectionism by the world's standards or even the church's standards. It's about true unconditional love by God's standards.


I'm beginning to see it for what it is . . . this need to control everything. Me trying to keep all the balls in the air . . . to juggle everything just right. 

But what if I let those balls fall? What if I let God dump all those compartments on the floor? What then? Maybe that's when I find out that I never really had control but just an illusion of control . . . that my need to keep everything in perfect order is a poor substitute for the truth . . . that only God can keep things in perfect order. Maybe that's where I find out that I don't really want control at all. Maybe that's were I find His love. Maybe it really is "where Heaven meets Earth like a sloppy wet kiss". Maybe God will "mess" up my perfect little life, but what a beautiful mess it will be.