Choosing the Good

Philippians 4:8

New King James Version (NKJV)

Meditate on These Things

8 Finally, brethren, whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—meditate on these things.

I've read this verse more times than I can count. It's part of one of my (many) favorite passages of scripture. And this morning, when I saw this come up on my You Version App, I thought, "I've read this a thousand times. I know it by heart." So I just sort of skimmed it (come on . . . you know you do it too), but then the words "true" and "good report" jumped out at me. They've always been there. I've always been aware of them, but suddenly them took on a completely new meaning.

You see, the adoption world is full of bad reports. And sometimes (okay, a lot of times) people love to let you know how bad things are going to be for you . . . how long you'll be waiting (forever . . . I get it) . . . how few referrals are coming in . . . how everyone has the same parameters as you . . . how once you do get home with your sweetheart, she'll probably strangle you in your sleep . . . I'm sure you get my point. Here lately I haven't found it easy to deal with the all the bad reports, and at times this process can be so discouraging.

Then I read this scripture this morning, and I realized a couple of things. First, I'm meditating and dwelling on the bad reports. I let the opinions and experiences of others determine my feelings and moods in regard to this whole adoption process. Second, truth isn't always what you see with your eyes. There are spiritual battles going on that we cannot see. And good reports aren't always laid out right in front of us. Sometimes you have to make a concerted effort to focus on those things that are "true" and of "good report". So I went back and read the verses leading into verse eight.

Philippians 4:4-7

New King James Version (NKJV)

4 Rejoice in the Lord always. Again I will say, rejoice!

5 Let your gentleness be known to all men. The Lord is at hand.

6 Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; 7 and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.

God brought us here. God guided us this far. Things haven't always been smooth, but we've seen Him come through time and again. So maybe there aren't a lot of referrals, maybe we will be waiting forever (we've been waiting almost 30 months as it is), maybe everyone does have the same parameters as us, but you know what else? God! One word, one name, one all powerful, loving Father, who is in control. That's it. So call me delusional, call me crazy, call me ridiculous, but I will be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, I will let my requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard my heart and my mind through Christ Jesus. And whatever things are true, whatever things are noble, whatever things are just, whatever things are pure, whatever things are lovely, whatever things are of good report, if there is any virtue and if there is anything praiseworthy—I will meditate on these things.

And that's just how it's going to be!

Let it Snow

A couple weeks ago we packed our bags with our warmest winter gear and hopped on a plane to Breckenridge, Colorado. Now y'all, I'm not a winter person, and it was incredibly cold and snowy (-10 degrees Fahrenheit when we landed in Denver), but this vacation was not for me. It was for the men in my life who wanted nothing more than to tromp through the snow and fly down the hills at ungodly rates of speed. And while I don't love the snow and the cold, I've yet to meet a mountain range I didn't love. There is just something about being surrounded by the beauty and majesty of the mountains in any season that serves to remind me of how truly awesome our Creator is.

I have to admit I was sort of dreading this trip for a few reasons. First, the weather in the winter is always unpredictable, and I'm not a fan of unpredictable. Second, Breckenridge sits at almost 10,000 feet above sea level, and in less than 12 hours we gained almost 9000 feet in altitude. I was a little more than a tad concerned about altitude sickness. Third, I was concerned about Andrew skiing. I just didn't know how he would take it. I finally decided to stop worrying and just put it all in God's hands. And as is all too common with me, my worries were unfounded and God came through in His usual wonderful way. We took it easy the first 24 hours and kept well hydrated, and other than mild headaches along with some initial breathlessness with exertion, we were able to avoid any major effects of the altitude. Andrew skied like a champ (unlike his mother), and Patrick found his new skiing buddy. I was able to relax more than I have in a very long time. While the boys were skiing I lounged around inside and read and read and read and drank coffee and then read some more. It was glorious. We weren't on a schedule. There wasn't any pressure. It was one of the best trips we've ever been on.

So without further ado, I present picture overload . . .

View from our balcony. It snowed the entire time we were there so the view of the mountains was never very clear.

Andrew spent the first day in ski school which I would recommend for any kid just starting out. By day two he was heading up on the ski lift and skiing down the greens.

Skiing buddies . . .

Breckenridge is the most quaint little town. It was like a life sized Snow Village. I loved it. I'm trying to talk Patrick into going back during the summer when it's warm, and we can hike and really explore.

Behind me is the river . . . frozen pretty solid. Not that I would test it out.

Notice the Absinthe Bar sign in the background. Yeah, probably should've picked another spot for a photo.

Family selfie . . .

It was a seriously great trip, and we definitely plan on returning at some point in the future. But even the best trips have to end. After all, you can only avoid reality for so long, and there really is no place like home. 

I'm Not As Bad As You Think . . .

Why is it that when I'm out and about on a weekday morning, and I see an acquaintance (not a good friend or someone who knows me well), and they find out I'm no longer teaching, they proceed to look at me as if I've performed a horrific crime against humanity? It's like they take my decision personally. I then, find myself trying to justify my decision to them. As if they have any right to question it.

Here's the deal. I taught school for ten years, and for eight of those ten years, I was exactly where I was meant to be. Don't get me wrong, it was hard. I had kids with severe emotional issues. I had enough paperwork to keep a small business running. I worked when I was at work. I worked when I was at home. I worked during the weekends. I worked during the summer. I didn't love every minute, but I was comfortable where I was.

But then years nine and ten hit. Call it burn out. Call it insanity. Whatever you want to call it is fine with me. Yes, Texas introduced yet another, more intense standardized test which increased our workload and our paperwork by at least 50%. Yes, I felt like I was being sucked dry emotionally and physically and being drug away from my family and my priorities. It's very hard to give your all to teaching and your all to being a wife and a mom. Some, like myself, may say it's impossible especially when you have young children. Teachers never leave work at work. Someone is going to suffer somewhere. Yes, discipline was awful and getting worse. I've been cussed at, had chairs thrown at me, called horrific names . . . it gets old fast, and I'm sorry, but the public school system has neither the resources nor the capability of "fixing" these children. And it's not the job of the school system. Their job is to educate not to raise kids and to try to compensate for all the atrocities that happen in their homes. And for the record, I was not a cold hearted teacher. Hence the sentence about being "sucked dry" emotionally.

Call it what you want. But it was time for me to quit. And the truth is it wasn't any one certain thing that did it. It wasn't the test or the paperwork or the fact that I found myself emotionally drained by the end of most days. It wasn't the discipline or lack there of or even the fact that I felt like my family was getting the wrong end of the deal.

And just so you know, if you're reading this, it most definitely wasn't your kid that pushed me over the edge. Because truthfully, it was probably your kid that kept me there one more year. Because in spite of everything, I loved my kids. I loved the ones that lost every single paper I ever handed them, and couldn't sit still for ten seconds, and sometimes almost sent me to Crazytown with their disorganization, but then they would do something so sweet and caring that I would tear up and smile like a fool all at once. I loved the ones who went toe-to-toe and head-to-head with me on a daily basis, and while I wouldn't back down, I certainly didn't want to break them because they are brilliant and will do brilliant things one day (but oh my goodness, I pray for their parents not to kill them before they graduate from high school . . .). I love the overachievers who wanted nothing more than to please, and it broke their hearts to mess up even unintentionally. I loved the ones who thought they couldn't do anything right but all they needed was someone to tell them that they really were pretty awesome. And y'all I loved the chair throwing, cussing, intensely broken kids. They needed love so much, and I pray that somehow I was able to break through and show them that they are indeed loved. I pray that they are able to overcome the enormously unfair obstacles placed in their lives and see the great potential God has given them.

No, it wasn't your kid that did me in. It was just time. I prayed, and I knew that it was time. See, I had prayed before, and just as readily knew, that it wasn't time. And God gave me the grace and the "want to" for five more years of teaching, but my desires changed. My heart changed, and while, I don't think God would've punished me if I had stayed in my teaching position. I would've been there out of fear of the unknown, and my heart would've most certainly not been in it. And ladies and gentlemen, a teacher whose heart isn't in it, is the last kind of teacher you want.

So please understand, we all grow and we all change. I've seen God bless my decision more than I could've ever imagined. Will I ever be in the classroom again? My heart and my head both say "no", but then I never what God has in store for my future . . .


I had every intention of uploading the pictures from our Colorado trip to my computer last night. It didn't happen, but as soon as I get them, I'll share. I know you can't wait. ;)

Three Years; 29 Months; Sharing & Prayer Requests

Happy Valentine's Day my friends!


So it's been a while.


We've been busy . . . if I had a nickel for everytime I said that . . .


January into the first part of February have been C.R.A.Z.Y. But things look to be slowing down . . . at least for the next few days . . .


Last Thursday through Monday we were out of town on a ski trip to Breckenridge, Colorado. Just to clarify, I did not ski. I disdain downhill skiing. It's unnatural to fly down a hill with your feet attached to two sticks trying to dodge the masses of people who seem to enjoy the sport. Needless to say, I do not downhill ski. I don't mind cross country skiing; although, it is exhausting, but I chose instead to stay warm and cozy inside and read. More on the trip soon.


Three Years . . .
Valentine's Day marks three years since we "officially" began this adoption journey. I say officially because we had tossed around the idea for quite some time both before and after Andrew was born. I spent years (literally years) researching various agencies and countries. But it was at the Cheesecake Factory on February 13, 2011 that we said, "Let's do it. Let's move forward." (Yes, I have a fantastic memory for specific details but ask me where I put my keys . . .) So we submitted our application to AGCI on Valentine's Day 2011. Originally, we expressed interest in more than one country. In particular, we looked at Taiwan, Nepal, Bulgaria, and Ethiopia, but after finding that Taiwan was a pilot program that was no longer accepting applications, Nepal had stopped international adoptions, and Ethiopia was experiencing some pretty substantial difficulties, we decided to move forward with Bulgaria.


29 Months . . .
Tomorrow, we'll hit 29 months of waiting. That's a long time y'all. It's three pregnancies plus. I'll be honest, I don't like it when people criticize the wait time. Not because I don't find it frustrating. Heaven knows I do. I don't like it because it only adds to my frustration. This is completely out of our hands. In a lot of ways it's also out of our agency's hands. We are at the mercy of the government (both ours and Bulgaria's). But, and this is big, it's ultimately all in God's hands. Whatever happens He is in control. I don't say that easily or lightly. I'm a control freak. I've just learned that there is no way on Earth I can control this situation so I don't try anymore.


Sharing . . .
I frequently peruse the various websites with "waiting children" in Bulgaria. These are kids with special needs that need to be adopted as quickly as possible . . . some are serious . . . some are very minor. The majority of referrals are special needs and older children with a couple "healthy" kiddos thrown in weekly (well sometimes). This is why the wait is so long. We've looked into two little girls. One more extensively than the other. But both times we just didn't feel that we could adequately meet their needs. I hate saying that. And of course there is the question, "What if your biological child had the same needs? What if your daughter comes home and has more extensive needs than originally thought?" And my answer is without question, "Of course we would do everything within our power to meet those needs." That's why saying, "no" is so difficult, but at the same time, when given knowledge of what's happening with a child, you must look at your circumstances, your resources, and your situation and really evaluate whether or not your home is the best place for that child. It's so much more complicated than that. Emotions get involved, and you have to fight the urge to think emotionally.


Prayer Requests:
- Pray that the walls begin to come down for the orphans in Bulgaria. I was praying about the adoption recently, and God began to show me that this is not just a physical, earthly battle. This is a battle for the lives of these children. This is a battle to bring them out of the horrible situations in which they live. Pray that the situations in which they live begin to change. Pray for their protection. Pray that they are loved . . . that they are fed . . . that they are clothed.


Isaiah 59:19 (NKJV) " So shall they fear the name of the Lord from the west, and his glory from the rising of the sun. When the enemy shall come in like a flood, the Spirit of the Lord shall lift up a standard against him."


- Pray for referrals to begin to flood in for all children. Pray that the hearts of the International Adoption Committee will be moved toward action for each and every one of these children. Pray for their peace as they work through the files of these children. Pray that God gives wisdom to all the officials involved in matching children with families, and pray for favor for the families waiting for children. All of these children need homes . . . healthy, special needs, young, or old. An orphanage is not a place for a child. No matter what the circumstances in that orphanage may look like, whether they be the absolute best or the absolute worst, an orphanage cannot take the place of a family.


Psalm 68:6a (NKJV) "God sets the solitary in families;
He brings out those who are bound into prosperity;"


- Pray for the peace and patience for all the adoptive families. It's a struggle, not just for us, but for all. It's tiring and exhausting and sometimes downright discouraging. Please keep us in your prayers, and pray that we get our children home soon.


Jeremiah 29:11 (NKJV) "For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the Lord, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope."


Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for your support. Thank you for standing with us.

Mary and Martha

Luke 10:38-42

New International Version (NIV)

At the Home of Martha and Mary

³⁸ As Jesus and his disciples were on their way, he came to a village where a woman named Martha opened her home to him. ³⁹ She had a sister called Mary, who sat at the Lord’s feet listening to what he said. ⁴⁰ But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, “Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!”

⁴¹ “Martha, Martha,” the Lord answered, “you are worried and upset about many things, ⁴² but few things are needed—or indeed only one.^[a] Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her.”

I was reading about Mary and Martha the other day, and I realized something . . . Mary would royally tick me off. Nice huh?


Just call me Martha. I am not Mary. I specialize in running myself ragged. I don't relax well, and when others don't do the same, I get a bit peeved. I'd sure let Jesus know who was doing the work, and who wasn't. Because that's how Martha rolls.


So what do I think about His response to Martha? Well, I'll tell you what I don't think . . . I don't think Jesus was saying to be lazy. I don't think He was trying to discredit the work Martha was doing or even lecturing her. But in that moment in that time, when Martha had the chance to sit at the feet of the Savior of the world (which I'm sure she didn't realize), she was instead running around like a chicken with her head cut off. She was missing a valuable opportunity because she was "distracted by all the preparations that had to be made". He wasn't yelling at her that her choices were wrong (after all He had made Martha the way she was), but He was pointing out that Mary had chosen "what is better", and He wasn't taking that from her.


I'm trying to be more like Mary and less like Martha. I'm trying to seize the opportunities that come my way whether it be a chance to pray, or read my Bible, or play a board game with my family . . .


And as a Martha, type A personality, I'm really trying to understand my Mary counterparts, and I'm trying to be gracious. Because I know that both Mary and Martha are needed and necessary.


What about you? Would you say you're a Mary or a Martha?

January

My month long blogging hiatus has ended. To be completely honest, I almost let it keep going. When I'm not writing, it's sometimes easier to keep on "not writing:. But that goes for so many things in life. Sometimes, motivation is lacking and we have to do "it" (whatever "it" may be) anyway.


That was a somewhat nonsensical first paragraph . . . your welcome.


Am I the only one happy to say goodbye to January? I always start the year determined not to hate January, and for the most part, this year, I didn't. But geeze, could it have been any colder?! Okay, yes, I suppose it could've been, but can we talk about the fact that in less than a week's time we had freezing rain and sleet not once but twice? Can we talk about the fact that today it is 41 degrees, and the wind is blowing 30 mph? Can we talk about the fact that Punxsutawney Phil saw his stinkin' shadow? Because quite frankly, I think someone needs to talk about all of it.


In spite of its attempts to freeze me almost to death, January hasn't been all bad. Downton Abbey finally started a knew season. While we're talking about facts, can we talk about the fact that we go entirely too long between seasons of Downton Abbey? Seriously, y'all! Then there are the Girl Scout cookies. You can't really go wrong with Girl Scout cookies.


I suppose I should also talk about what's going on in the adoption world. Our caseworker is optimistic that 2014 is our year. I'm cautiously optimistic. There are families that have been waiting 36+ months. There are other families that didn't wait quite as long. The wait is not the same for each family as Bulgaria doesn't necessarily choose families based upon order of registration. For us, September will mark three years of being registered and waiting so I really hope and pray we're getting the close. In the meantime, I'm praying that God will prepare our hearts for our daughter and hers for us. I pray for her emotional, physical, and spiritual protection. And in the midst of all my prayers, I pray for the patience to wait with grace because for me, in this moment, that is the hardest thing to do.

So, that's January in a nutshell . . . cold, cookies, Downton Abbey, and adoption. Hope January was good to you and yours!