Coming to Terms

I've mentioned before that I've always wanted to adopt. Somewhere in the back of my mind, I've always known that we would adopt one way or another. I just never dreamed it would all come about like it did.

When we first decided to start "trying" to have a baby, I thought I'd be pregnant in a few months. A year later I still wasn't pregnant. After a year and three months my doctor told me if I didn't get pregnant very soon, we were going to have to make some decisions. So we stepped it up a notch. I had calendars and ovulation monitors and charts all over the place. It was all very romantic.

After some charting and testing, we quickly found out that I only ovulate 4-6 times a year (sorry guys . . . you can cover your ears or eyes as the case may be). Not exactly great odds when you're trying to get pregnant. Thankfully, we were able to pinpoint the right time frame, and I was pregnant relatively quickly after we figured out what was going on. But in that last stretch before I got pregnant, I made a decision. If I couldn't get pregnant then so be it, but there was no way I was pumping my body full of hormones and dragging my husband through the experience of forcing my body to ovulate. It wasn't a judgment on anyone else's decision. Actually, I admire women that can handle it, but for me, I knew that it would be too much. Hormone fluctuations and Courtney are not friends . . . not at all. I was okay with adopting. I was okay with someone else carrying my baby for nine months as long as the end result was the same.

Fast forward 34 weeks and 6 days. I had had a relatively uneventful pregnancy. My weight gain was good. I was walking everyday. Blood pressure was perfect. Andrew was growing fast and had his little tooshie right in my ribs. I was miserable, and uncomfortable, and couldn't sleep at night because of leg pain. Pretty much your run-of-the-mill third trimester. Then I started hemorrhaging. And not just a little. The placenta was separating prematurely, and both my life and Andrew's life were at risk. At exactly 5 weeks before my due date, I had an emergency c-section and delivered the most perfect little boy I've ever seen.

In the days that followed, with the help of my doctor, we began to piece together what had happened (as much as we could). What had happened to me happens in less than 1% of all pregnancies, and I had none of the risk factors. Once you have a placental abruption the chances of having another one increase to between 15-20%, and the doctor explained that in a case where no cause can be identified the risk may even be higher. Then she said, "But if you want to have another one in a couple years, I'll be there with you. It will be a high risk pregnancy, and you will be on bed rest for the last 10 weeks or so, but the decision is yours."

I made the decision almost immediately that I wasn't ever going to be pregnant again. I just didn't (and still don't) think it's worth it. I can't sit still for 10 minutes let alone 10 weeks. And the worry and risk that comes with another pregnancy just wasn't something I wanted to deal with. Many women have made the decision to give it another go, and I, once again, am in no way passing judgment. This is a decision that has to be made by each individual couple. There is no blanket answer, and the right choice for me may be the wrong choice for you. Still, even though I felt confident with the decision and Patrick was 100% supportive, I had to come to terms with the fact that I would never carry another baby inside of me. When it comes down to it, the only thing I think I'll really miss is the kicks. I loved the kicks and flips and jabs. They always made me laugh. I cried some, and let myself feel sad for a while, then I decided it was time to let it go and move forward. And the truth is, I've never looked back.

Unfortunately, I also had to come to terms with the fact that not everyone was going to be supportive. I had people say that I "gave up on God" and "needed to trust more". To tell you the truth, these statements were incredibly hurtful to me. They were made by people close to me, and when I first heard them, they devastated me. With time, I've realized that not everyone is going to understand. It's very hard to understand when you're on the outside looking in. I feel like we're on the path that God wants us on today. I'm not saying He caused the complications. I don't believe He did. In retrospect, I believed He protected us from what could've been a huge nightmare. I also believe that He gave us a way through all of this, and we have the honor and privilege of going down a path not many get to travel. Sometimes it terrifies me that I can't see around the next bend more less miles down the road, but I know Who created this path. As the saying goes, I may not know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds tomorrow.

In My Kindle

This post took me forever to finish. When I started I didn't realize how long it would take me to wade through all the books I've read since January. But it's done. If you're looking for some ideas for summer reading . . . well . . .  read on. If you click on the book it should link back to either the author's website or Amazon where you can purchase the book.

I'm completely stealing this idea from Erin at Blue Eyed Bride and Katie at Marriage Confessions. A while back they both did an "On My Bookshelf" post, and I decided to do a knock off. Last year Patrick bought me a Kindle for my birthday. I read so much and buy so many books that they were (are) literally taking over our house. I'm a book hoarder . . . I can't stand to get rid of books (I do reread quite a bit). So in order to save space, he got me a Kindle. I decided to do a post covering all (at least I think all) of the books I've read since the beginning of the year just in case anyone was looking for some book recommendations. So here goes.

  

I sort of stumbled upon these books looking for archaeological novels. They're part adventure, part archaeological novel. They can be far-fetched, but I still found that they moved quickly and kept my attention. I'll definitely read the next one that comes out.

The Eden Project by John Bolin is an adventure/sci-fi type of novel. Fast paced. Easy to follow. I really enjoyed it. It follows a team of scientist and reality show creators as the trudge through the Amazon Jungle trying to save a tribe of natives that has mysteriously disappeared.

  

I love Terri Blackstock! These are actually the last three books in a series of four, the first being Last Light (which I read last summer). These books follow the story of the struggles of the Branning family as the entire Earth suddenly loses all power and electricity.

One of the only non-fiction books (other than the Bible) that I voluntarily read. All I can say is buy this book . . . read this book. It's awesome!

This is actually one in a whole series of foodie murder mysteries, and they follow Hannah Swensen baker extraordinaire who always seem to stumble upon dead bodies. Cheesy? Yes, incredibly cheesy and not the greatest writing ever. Most of the thirty somethings in these books act and apparently dress like they're sixty somethings (no offense if you're over sixty). But I've read every single one of these books. They're good for an easy treadmill read and they have great recipes which make the cheesiness almost worthwhile.

This book . . . I didn't really like it, but I also didn't really hate it. It was weird and disturbing and definitely not an easy read. It follows the tragic murder of one of the wives of a fundamentalist Mormon and all of the secrets and lies within the groups. The truth is I couldn't put it down but was relieved when it was done. It is very detailed and graphic so be forewarned. I most likely won't read the rest of the books in the series, but I do have to say that overall it was interesting and well written.

Another archaeological thriller. I can't seem to get away from these. This one follows the plight (yes I used the word plight) of anthropologist Simon Dracup after his daughter is kidnapped. I really liked this book. It was well written and fast paced with lots of adventure.

This is actually a novel written for adolescents and teenagers about a Utopian society of the future. I read it so I could see if it was appropriate to give some of my average to higher level readers (it was and is). Everything in this society is for all practical purposes perfect, and emotions go to "the giver" rather than the general population. This short easy read was excellent, but then again Lois Lowry is an excellent author. I plan on reading the rest of the books in the trilogy soon. And if you've never read Lois Lowry's book Number the Stars, I highly recommend it. It's a historical fiction novel, and I couldn't put it down (it would be perfect to read with your 4th, 5th, or 6th grader).

If you're going to read this book, you need to read the short and free prequel, The Keeper. It gives you some background for what is about to happen. This novel is also about a future society which has also suppressed emotions for hundreds (thousands?) of years. This is a very dark, somewhat violent, but incredibly well written novel. If you start it, give it some time (and I do not recommend it for young readers). The second book in the series, The Mortals, is coming out in a few days, and I may have to cheat on my shopping diet and buy it. ;)

This is what I'm currently reading. The Circle Series is a 4 in 1 book and contains the books Black, Red, White, and Green all by Ted Dekker. I'm new to the world of Ted Dekker, and while he is an amazing author (I cannot emphasize this enough), his books are not "easy" reads. They require thought, and are an allegory of sorts to biblical and world history. Dekker employs elements of fantasy to tell the story as he follows the life of Thomas Hunter who is trying to stop destruction and lead parallel lives in two different worlds. The first book Black, started off somewhat slow, and it took me a while to get involved in the story. Because the reviews were so high, I stuck with it. I'm now on Red, and it's turning into another "I can't put it down" novel. 

So there you have it, my Kindle list from the last six months. Maybe someday I'll do a top ten all time favorite books. I'm just not sure it's possible to narrow them down to just ten . . . nevermind, there's no way . . . maybe a top 100 is more fitting.

*  Just so you know, even if you don't have a Kindle you can download an app for free for any computer and for most smartphones and read Kindle books on it. Just click here for more information. 

And no I'm not being paid to advertise for either Amazon or any of these authors. I just happen to love reading!

The State of My Shopping "Diet"

So I've been on this shopping "diet" for a little over two weeks. It's actually going pretty well. Of course I've had to buy the "usual" stuff like groceries, b-day gifts, cleaning supplies, dark chocolate . . . you know, just the necessities. But for just over two weeks, I haven't bought any shoes, clothes, books, music, etc. for myself.

First off, it isn't easy. I'm constantly browsing and looking. The internet is a curse. Instant gratification is kind of a way of life in our society, and I'm not one to deny myself much of anything. Sad? Yes, but also very true. My goal in all this is not to stop shopping altogether, but to stop and think about what I buy before I buy it. Do I really need those blue mason jars? Is it necessary to buy another pair of running shoes (I have 3 but who's counting)? Can't I live without another Gap t-shirt? The jury's still out on that one . . .

Even though it's been a little hard, I've been able to walk away without too much of a struggle. And when it comes down to it, I like having a little extra money handy. So there you have it. I have two weeks until my shopping diet comes to an end. Hopefully, at the end of all this I'll have gained some perspective on needs vs. wants, and I can have just a tad bit more self control.

And thank goodness my birthday is less than two weeks away . . . I've already put in a few requests. ;)

Closing Program (pics and details)

A week ago Friday Andrew had his closing program for the school year. It's really more of a graduation ceremony for the older class that's headed to kinder next school year, but Andrew's class sang several songs, and they each received a "diploma" as he likes to call it. I haven't quite figured out how his teacher trains these kids to perform so well since I can't get him to pick his socks up without a huge battle ensuing. But perform they did, and it was one of the cutest things I've ever seen.

He waved . . . and waved . . . and waved . . . I guess he was afraid we'd miss him. I had to pinch myself to keep from crying. Andrew isn't going to another school. He's just going to the next class, but you'd think he was headed to the moon with the way I kept tearing up. I guess I'm having just a tiny bit of trouble dealing with the fact that my baby is growing up. 

One thing was confirmed during this closing program, my child is not shy . . . not even a little shy. Actually he's quite the show stopper.

All week long, people have said things like, "Andrew did so well Friday night. He was really into it," or asked things such as, "Where does that boy of yours get his dance moves from?" I can guarantee it wasn't from his Mama. And just to be sure he covered all his bases, he not only used all his best dance moves he also sang more loudly than anyone else.

He loved every minute of it.

We are very blessed to have Andrew in a preschool that he loves and we love as well. While school is out for the summer, the preschool is open year round. He'll go on Tuesdays and Thursdays throughout the summer to give him a chance to visit his friends and give me a chance to get some stuff done. Every mom needs a break right?  ;)

Please excuse the quality of these photos. Catching a child in motion from the middle of the audience is a virtual impossibility.

Running Questions Answered

So I've had a few questions regarding my workouts. I know I was kinda surprised too. But anyway, I thought I'd answer them here. So if you care, read on. And if you don't give a flyin' flip then feel free to close this out. :)

Why do I post my runs/workouts to Twitter/Facebook?
Contrary to popular belief, it's not because I'm bragging. It's actually because I see it as a way of being somewhat accountable to all you people who are my friends and followers. That sounded really snobbish, followers, but Twitter has followers instead of friends, and I have like 21 so . . .yeah . . . Anyway, I kind of hope that if I fall off the work out wagon, one of you awesome people will tell me to get off my butt and get it together. ;)

How's the ankle?
I pulled a ligament in my ankle a little over a month ago. I took about three weeks off of running, and stuck with the elliptical (which is insanely boring). I also had to wear running shoes everyday all day. I'm still supposed to be wearing them, but I bought these shoes from Aerosoles.

They're super comfy and supportive, and my ankle feels 100% better so I've been cheating a little here and there. Not to mention the fact, that I had to jump through flaming hoops to be able to wear running shoes to work. I also learned from our P.E. coach that I've been tying my shoes wrong since I was three. She showed me how to tie them properly, and it's made a huge difference. So to make a short story long, the ankle's better, and I've been back at running for about a week and a half.

How did you ease back into running? And how much are you running now?
I started by doing most of my workout on the elliptical and then running a mile to a mile and a half on the treadmill. After a few days, I pushed it up to two miles. And at the end of the first week I ran three miles outside. Last night I ran four miles outside, but I'm trying very hard to break up my workouts and give myself time to rest. So if I do a hard workout like last night, I'll either take a rest day or do something easy like the treadmill or elliptical. That's what's hardest for me. I prefer running outside to any other workout so this is definitely a struggle for me.

Do I listen to music while I'm running?
I listen to my ipod on my phone while I run. When I run on the treadmill, I also read my Kindle. It took a while to get used to it, but now I can run and read and not fall flat on my face. When I'm on the elliptical I usually watch t.v. I get so bored on the elliptical that it's the only way to pass the time. These are the songs on my playlist for running. I mix them up pretty often, but the first two lists pretty much stay the same. You'll notice there are some real oldies in the list. Jesus Freak anyone?

And now I think I've tortured y'all enough for one day. Have a great long weekend everyone.

I Hope . . .

Tomorrow is the last day of school for the 2011-2012 school year. It has been a challenging year. I have been faced with situations and problems that I never dreamed I would be faced with. I have felt like a counselor, a mother, a disciplinarian, a secretary (thanks to excessive amounts of paperwork), and a teacher all rolled into one. I would like to say that I've always done a great job. I would like to say that I've never lost my patience or gotten frustrated, but that would be a lie. As usual, when I look back, I see things I wish I had done better and things I wish I could change. But as they say hindsight is 20/20. While I know that I've not been perfect, I do hope that I've given my students just a little something to take with them into the next year.

I hope I've taught them as much reading, writing, and arithmetic as possible.

And speaking of reading, I hope they realize that not only is reading important, but it's also extremely enjoyable.

I hope they can continue to write a two page composition with relative ease (and mostly correct grammar and spelling).

I hope they've learned that they need to eat their fruits and veggies and get exercise each and everyday. :)

I hope they've learned to work (more) cooperatively with others.

I hope they've learned that a little kindness and understanding can carry them a lot further than being rude and demanding.

I hope they see the value in putting others before yourself.

I hope they now realize that Texas really is the greatest state in the Good 'Ole U.S.A. (I only speak the truth here). ;)

I hope they understand how blessed they are to live in a free nation where they have the privilege of attending school 180 days/year.

I hope they've learned that "the test" is just one part of school, and learning is a lot more than questions on a page.

I hope they know they're important and have value.

I hope they know they are each unique and special and can accomplish far more than they ever imagined.

School is so much more than learning basic facts, and teaching is so much more than just teaching. While each day is not easy and some days are downright hard, I hope they go away from this year with good memories and ready to face the challenges that crop up in the years to come.

Here's to Summer!!!

Summer Vacation

We are less than a couple months out from our summer vacation. I can't tell you exactly when it is because then I'll have to kill you (just in case any adoption caseworkers and/or social workers are reading that's a joke. I have not nor will I ever kill anyone). I've probably already given you too much information. I'm not allowed to tweet, facebook, or blog about it while we're gone or prior to leaving (I'm completely breaking the rules here). My husband is paranoid that someone is going to steal our rare $4 million diamond and the family jewels. The only thing I'm allowed to say, other than what I've already said, is that I'm counting the days.

We sort of take turns picking our vacation destinations. Patrick picked San Francisco for our honeymoon (love San Francisco), and Lake Tahoe twice for skiing (love Lake Tahoe . . .don't love skiing), and I picked Hawaii and Florida and the Ozarks for summer vacations. Last summer, since we had just gone on a ski trip the winter before, we didn't really do a big vacation but instead went on a couple short trips. But this summer I got to pick, and we're headed to the Smoky Mountains. The truth is Patrick doesn't care too much about summer vacations (I mean he likes to go on them, but he usually lets me pick). The only thing he ever really wants to do is go skiing. Have I mentioned I hate skiing?

I'm so, so, so excited. I love the mountains even more than I love the beach. And that's saying a lot because I looovvve the beach. I especially love the mountains in the summertime when I don't have to deal with snow, and no one is trying to force me to fly down a mountain at ungodly speeds with two sticks stuck to my feet. I did mention that I hate skiing right?

Andrew is going with us. He always goes with us. Which is fine with me. And this year, I think, no I know, he can handle some of the shorter, easy to moderate hikes. Actually, he'll probably handle them just as well or better than Patrick. ;) We won't be doing any super long, steep hikes, but I've already found some good 3-5 mile ones.

We are also driving. I used to hate road trips, but after having Andrew and flying with him a couple times, I've found that driving and taking our time just works better than flying (try running through an airport with a three year old on your hip and a huge backpack on your back, and you'll completely change your mind about flying forever). I mean when we drive, Andrew can pee on the side of the road if he needs to which is so much more preferable than airplane restrooms . . .  sorry t.m.i but it's true.

So we're going to take 3 days and meander through the south and stop to look at plantations and eat Cajun food in Louisiana and eventually, we'll arrive at our destination outside of Gatlinburg. We ended up booking a lodge. I wanted a cabin, but the cancellation policies for cabins are too far out from the reservation date (30 days), and we just can't do that with the uncertainty of the adoption stuff. On the way back we're going to take another 3 days, and we're definitely going to stop in Memphis. I want to go to the zoo because they have giant pandas, and I'm sure my husband will want to visit Graceland because we're 80.

Anyway, after we get back from this secret vacation, I'll bombard you with pictures and details. Beforehand, you'll know no details so as to protect our vast stores of gold. But if anyone has any advice on things we should do and see I'd love to hear it. I can't guarantee we'll do it all, but it's always great to have suggestions.

Weekend in Review (quick edition)

Another great weekend has flown by. We were plenty busy, and while I love being on the go, I'm also one of those people that appreciates a day with nothing to do. I'm really looking forward to things slowing down at least a bit next week when school's out.

On Friday night, Andrew had his closing program for school. Here's a pic I snapped with my phone before we bolted out the door. More pictures and details to come  . . .

I tried to crop out the mess all over my living room floor, but it wasn't to be. Either way, I think he looks super handsome. Maybe I'm a bit partial?!?

Andrew spent most of Saturday morning changing in and out of all of his superhero costumes. He wasn't too happy when I made him change so we could go to his 8000th t-ball game. No really, I'm serious, t-ball has been going on since early March. A bit ridiculous? Yes, I think so. They've never had a season this long (for some reason they started earlier and are finishing later than ever before). Thankfully, tonight is our last game since we opted out of the t-ball tournament. Yep, a t-ball tournament . . .makes no sense to me either.

This is what happens when you mess with Superman!

On Sunday morning, at church, I finally got to meet our good friends' new baby, Shane. We had to wait until we were all healthy and cold free before we could meet him. I was a complete baby hog and held him the entire time, and I refuse to be ashamed about it. I'm not going to post a picture on here since I don't have permission so you'll just have to take my word for it that the adorableness was hard to handle.

The rest of the weekend was spent doing laundry, catching up on stuff around the house, and visiting family.

Four and a half days until school's out. Woohoo! Bring on Summer Break!

Drama On the Adoption Front

Thursday wasn't the greatest day in the world for a number of reasons. The kids were a little on the wild side (who can blame them?), I had a very thick three ring binder full of reports that had to be organized so I could finish my end-of-the-year reports, and it felt like the week was dragging and so was I.

So while the kids were in P.E., I ran to the store to grab some very dark chocolate to help me deal, because chocolate fixes everything. When I got back to the school I decided to check my email before the kids came back. The first email I saw was one from the girl in charge of reviewing the home studies at our adoption agency. I figured it was just telling us that our home study update had been approved. Wrong! The girl said that they couldn't finalize our update because our FBI fingerprints weren't current. Say what?!? I had emailed our caseworker twice about that, the first time back in February (because I'm OCD), and she had said we didn't need to redo them yet.

We need our home study update finished by June so we can apply to USCIS to have our electronic fingerprints (different from the FBI fingerprints) redone in time to keep from being dropped from the registry. Last time it took almost three months to get both of our fingerprints back from the FBI. It was a very traumatizing experience (slight but necessary exaggeration), and one that could severely mess things up if we had to go through it again. At this point we literally don't have time to deal with doing FBI fingerprints (no exaggeration there). And being dropped off the registry would basically stop the adoption. Not even a remote possibility.

Freak out!!!

Thank goodness I save emails in an organized way (in other words Patrick should thank the Good Lord above I'm OCD). I hunted down the both of the ones that said we didn't have to redo our fingerprints and forwarded them to the agency. At that point I had to get the kids and maintain my composure. I'm sure they could tell I was upset though. I kept sighing and shaking my head and shoving eating dark chocolate down my throat . . . you know just maintaining my composure and all. As you can tell I'm a champ at hiding my emotions. I'm pretty sure the kids thought I was certifiable.

It was at this point it occurred to me that I had two choices. I could either (1) continue to flip out (which is generally my weapon of choice), or I could (2) put it in God's hands. I decided to put it where it belonged . . . in God's hands. It wasn't a huge dramatic moment. I didn't fall to my knees and scream, "It's Yours all Yours!" (the kids already question my sanity) I didn't necessarily feel 100% better, but I knew (and know) that God knows what He's doing. So I left it at that and continued to eat dark chocolate because really eating an entire bag is very healthy.

I'm not kidding when I say that within the next five minutes I got a very nice email from the agency apologizing for the confusion, and stating that an exception had been made. Thank you God!!!

The whole crazy dramatic incident was less than an hour long, but it served as a very clear reminder of Who is in control. God has come through for us in a huge way every step of this process. I'm not saying that every minute has been easy, but He's made a way when and where a way almost didn't seem possible. I'm sure that this isn't the last challenge we'll face. Some may be smaller, some may be larger, but I know that God will come through with every single one.

Now the next time I flip would someone please reference this post? I can guarantee I'll forget.

Have a lovely weekend everyone!

In Which I Rant About One of My Biggest Pet Peeves

Note: A lot of times on Sundays I'll write a few posts and then schedule them for the next week. That was actually all of my posts for this week, including this one. I may have been slightly . . . ummm . . . hormonal when I wrote this post (sorry tmi), and I kind of felt like I was ranting a bit too much. I can be a little too honest when I'm . . . ummm . . . hormonal so I almost cancelled it. But it's honest, and sometimes I think it's good to be honest. So I'm leaving it up.

No less than three times in the last week I've either had people make general or specific comments to me about eating healthy and exercising and/or visiting the doctor for annual exams. They usually go something like this, "I trust God for my divine health. I don't need all that stuff. Nothing's gonna happen to me?".

I just want you to know that if one more person makes a comment like that to me, I may jump out of my skin and throttle them. Well, not really, but geeze louise people that's stinkin' irritating. If you don't want to exercise, fine. If you want to eat junk, fine. But please, for the love of all that's good, don't use God as your excuse not to take care of yourself.

Here's the thing. I firmly believe that my divine health does come from God, but I also firmly believe that He gave us this body, and we should treat it with respect. Christians love to jump on the "You shouldn't smoke or drink" bandwagon, but try to take away their fried chicken, and they will take you down.
I look at it like this. I believe that God is my ultimate provider. I believe that He gives us everything we need to live and sustain our physical bodies. Yet I get up and go to work every morning. I don't stare at the bills and the kitchen and table and say stuff about how I'm expecting those bills to get paid and food to appear. He gave me the brain and the ability and the means to provision, and I take advantage of it.

The whole thing about healthy eating falls into line here. He gave us the foods we should eat, but we have altered them way beyond anything He ever intended them to be. Call me crazy, but I just don't think that we were originally intended to make some of our foods into what we've made them into (I'm trying very hard not to name specific products or food chains). Oh and He made our bodies to move . . . hence the fact that we have feet. I'm just sayin' . . .

Now, just like anything else, healthy eating and exercise can become an idol. So can running around and thinking that you can treat your body however you please, and then expect God to bail you out of your mess. I think there is a need for balance in everything. Which is why I had cheesecake the other day . . . ;)

Like I said, eat what you want, and if you don't want to exercise then more power to ya'. But please don't feel the need to give me your opinion of my choice to take better care of my body. If I choose not to eat a piece of cake, it doesn't mean I'm trying to shove my choices on you. I just don't want the cake. So don't look at me like I have 17 heads. If people would just let it go at "no thanks", I wouldn't be so wound up. :) (And by the way, I've had plenty of cake in my almost 31 years . . . I'm far from cake deprived)

Wow . . . and if you're thinking about arguing with me on this one, you might as well forget it. That's what got me going in the first place. I've stated my opinion, and now I'm done.

Confession Time

First, I want to thank everyone for their sweet comments about our name choice. I totally think it is a very personal decision. One of the reasons we've settled on a name so early on is so that we can start referring to her by name rather than just saying "our little girl". Anyway, we really appreciate the sweet supportive comments both on here, on facebook, and in person. :)

Now on to the original post.

Confession time  . . . I'm a bit of a shop-a-holic. Now I'm not spending money we don't have, draining our savings, and running up credit card debt. Our bills always get paid on time, and there's food on our table. But y'all I love to shop . . . probably a bit too much.

The thing is, when I see something I want, I buy it. I have more shoes and clothes than any human being should ever have. And books . . . I buy books all the time. I buy books before I'm finished with the one I'm reading. I love to read. I really love to read, but seriously, I have 10 books on my Kindle that I haven't read yet. And while it may not be putting us in the poor house, I think I need to step back and take a look at my habits and learn a bit of self-control. I hate that word . . . self-control.

So with that being said, on Sunday, May 13, Mother's Day none-the-less, I put myself on a one month shopping diet. During this month, I will not buy anything for myself that I do not need. No shoes, no clothes, no books, no itunes, no home decor . . . you'll have to excuse me, I just started hyperventilating. I will also not buy anything for Andrew that I "think" he needs. You know like that adorable outfit from Janie and Jack that I think he would look so cute in, but he could care less about? Yep, that one. Does anyone have paper sack I can use?

It's a bit ridiculous that this is so hard for me, and it speaks to the fact that I put way too much value on material things. I mean I definitely don't think that there is anything wrong with shopping or looking cute or having a nice home or reading the latest book . . . the list could go on forever, but there is something wrong with my lack of self-control.

I'll keep you posted . . . hopefully by the end of this month I'll have a little more control of my shopping habits, and my savings account will be a bit bigger. We shall see.

Amendment: I will continue to buy my sunless tanner. The whiteness of my legs is just too scary for words. Yeah, I know I'm breaking the rules, but what can I do? And don't say "just not buy it". I have my fingers in my ears, and I'm humming.

Over and out.

Mother's Day

Mother's Day was more like Mother's Weekend, but it was a lot of fun.

On Friday, Andrew gave me a card and a flower that he made for me at school. Here's a picture of the inside of the card. I'm watering the garden. As you can see I have a killer tan. If you've ever seen me in person and know how ridiculously fair I am, you'll find that funny. Also, I have huge biceps. If you knew how little upper body strength I have, you'd find that equally as funny.

On Saturday my sister and I started out by taking our grandmother, Noni, out to lunch. It ended up being just the three of us, and it was a lot of fun. We went to Saltgrass Steakhouse, and sat out on the deck overlooking the river. It was a beautiful day for a nice peaceful lunch.

Late Saturday afternoon, Andrew, Patrick, and I headed to Austin to The Cheesecake Factory. It is one of my absolute favorite places to eat, but we don't go very often because it's about an hour away. It was Patrick's idea to go, and I wanted to take Andrew because he hasn't ever been. I knew he would love it, and he did! When we walked in he said, "Mmmm, it smells like chocolate and cheesecake." He takes after his mama when it comes to food.

Before we left. Sorry for the quality . . . iPhone pic. As a side note, I think the iPhone always makes my face look round (well rounder than it already is) and my teeth look crooked (even though I wore braces for four long years).

 

We shared a piece of Godiva Chocolate Cheesecake . . . heavenly. Can't imagine why my face is round . . .

After we finished eating we went to the mall and did some shopping. It's the last shopping I plan to do for a while (more on that later this week). I did make the mistake of going in Janie and Jack. I didn't buy anything, but I think I should be banned from that store. It seriously has the cutest clothes ever. I wanted to buy Andrew a really cute, really preppy little outfit, but if it doesn't have a superhero logo he's not interested. Boo! I also almost bought this for future use, but I resisted.

Have you ever seen anything more adorable?

On Sunday, we went to church and then had lunch with my husband's sister and niece, his parents, his aunt and uncle, and his cousin and her husband and son. Then Patrick and Andrew went back to the church to work on some stuff, and I headed home. I called my mom (who was out of town all weekend), worked out, and cleaned out the fridge. Not exactly exciting, but it made for a nice Sunday afternoon.

So that's it. Hope all you moms had a fantastic Mother's Day Weekend!

What's in a Name?

I thought long and hard about whether or not to share this. There is no shortage of opinions about whether or not to change an adopted child's name, and it's very common for people to feel the need to share those opinions. Some people adamantly believe that a child's name should never be changed, while others incorporate the child's birth name with their adopted name, and still others change the name completely. So I really had to think about whether I wanted to risk opening myself up to criticism on this whole subject. I mean, we're still a long way out from bringing her home. But I think that deciding on a name just further cements in our minds the fact that even if we're a long way away, we are going to one day bring home our daughter. And so I decided to take the risk.

Names are very important to me, and I have to admit that after much thought and prayer, we fall into the camp that has decided to change our child's name completely. I think that it will signify a new beginning in her young life with her forever family. I'm not saying we will deny her heritage or her history. I'm not saying that we won't celebrate where she came from, but I also want her to know that she is 100% part of our family. And I feel that by giving her a new name it will be a way to recognize her entrance into her new family.

I also think that name meanings are important. It may sound flaky or stupid, but you call your child his/her name everyday of his/her life, and so it I think it had better be a name that helps to define who your child is.

So without further ado, we've decided to name our daughter Allison Gayle. Allison means "noble or kind" and Gayle (which is my middle name and a family name) is a diminutive of Abigail and means "her father's joy or one who brings joy". This name embodies so much of what we want for our daughter. We not only want her to be noble and kind, and we have no doubt that she will bring much joy to our family.

So there you have it. I guess there is a actually a lot in a name. At least I think there is . . .

The Women in My Life

God chose to bless me by putting some of the most amazing women in my life. They are strong, they are loving, and they are beautiful. I am so thankful to have such wonderful women from which to learn.

To put it simply, I love my mother. When I say that there are amazing women in my life, she is the top. She is hands down best mother in the world, and I don't think I'm exaggerating. She has been there for me through every major and minor event in my life. She has supported me and given me advice, and yet still given me room to grow and be independent. She has pushed me forward with a gentle hand, when I probably need a hard shove, and shown me what it really means to be a virtuous woman. She has pulled back when she knew I needed my space to grow, and been there if I need someone to lean on. I cannot imagine my life without her. I cannot even fathom having a better mother, and I hope I can be half the mom she was to me.

My Beautiful Mama

To blessed with a good mother is wonderful, but God saw it fit to also give me the two best grandmothers alive. To me they are Noni and Muddie, and they mean the world to me. They represent so much fun and love starting as far back as I can remember. I still get excited when I know I'm going to see my grandmothers. Not everyone has the opportunity to know their grandmothers, and I thank God that I've been blessed to have both of them. And they make pretty darn good great-grandmothers too. :)

Noni and Muddie . . . I love them.

Last but never least, is my mother-in-law. So many women struggle with their relationship with their mother-in-law, but I have been blessed beyond measure in this area. Kim and I clicked from the get go. Unfortunately for Patrick, I'm a lot like his mother. ;) She is such an awesome woman of God. She's fun, and she's loving, and she's been there for me since I was seventeen years old. I thank God for her and choosing to place her in my life.

My Awesome Mother-in-Law

And now this has gone way past sappy, and you're probably feeling nauseated from hearing (ummm, reading) the words amazing, wonderful, awesome, strong, and beautiful over and over. But sometimes you've just gotta be a sap.

Happy Mother's Day!

The Gift of Motherhood

Motherhood . . . one of the most wonderful gifts on Earth.

Motherhood . . . one of the most terrifying gifts on Earth.

As a mother, you are entrusted to shape and mold a young life. You have the responsibility to see that your child is well fed, cared for, well adjusted, secure, and loved. I firmly believe that for better or for worse a child's mother is one of the greatest if not the greatest influence in his or her life.

As Andrew grows and changes with each passing day, I struggle to make the right choices. Am I traumatizing him by insisting that he sleep in his own bed even though he is adamant that he it too scared to sleep alone? Is he going to think the world revolves around him because I let him stay up past 9:00 p.m. to watch a movie? Is he too spoiled? Does he get too much attention? Does he get enough attention? Am I causing permanent damage by being a working mom (the never ending debate)?

The list of rhetorical questions is long and ever-evolving. Thankfully, I'm not forced to do this alone. I have the support of my family, and my husband is 100% my partner in this whole parenting thing. But even if I had no one else, I am learning, albeit slowly, that ultimately it is God on whom I should depend on the most.

Shockingly enough, He doesn't ask me to be a perfect mother. He doesn't expect me to do everything just right. What He expects is for me to lean on and rely on Him to lead and guide me. So, I may not always do it right. I may get frustrated, and it may show. But in the end motherhood is a learning experience. One that with God's leadership and guidance helps us to grow and change and stretch and become more than we ever dreamed we could be.

And that is really what makes motherhood such an amazing gift.

To all the mothers have a wonderful Mother's Day weekend and a very happy Mother's Day!

Squash It Does the Body Good

In our little garden, I planted three tomato plants, three red and green bell pepper plants, two jalapeno plants, three strawberry plants (from which the birds keep thieving the strawberries), and ten squash plants. Yes, I said ten. Yes, that's too many.

Andrew loves squash, and somewhere in the recesses of my strange working mind, I thought it seemed like a swell idea to plant a boatload of squash plants. I did this fully aware that we would have large quantities of squash. But they looked so tiny when I bought them. And Andrew loves squash . . .

So far this week we've eaten squash three times. Now, it's not like I serve it the same way everyday. I mix it in with pasta, saute it, grill it, put it on pizza (oh yes, I did) . . . I can think of a million ways to fix squash. And really, I don't mind eating it all. the. time. But apparently my husband has a beef with all this squash (and I think with the large amount of vegetables I've been serving lately). Or maybe it's just a beef with the current lack of beef in his life. Who knows?

So, I'm not really sure where I'm going with this. Does anyone have any creative ideas for things you can do with squash? I don't mind giving some of it away, but generally speaking, I haven't found many people with the same weird love and appreciation that I have for squash. It's a delicious and nutritious fruit. And it is a fruit by the way. We may eat as a veggie, but botanically it's a fruit.

And along the same lines (sort of) did you know that jalapenos are also incredibly healthy? They're healing properties are amazing. This is how I justify putting jalapenos in everything I eat. If I was on a deserted island jalapenos would be one of my must have items.

And now that I've imparted just a little bit of my wonderful knowledge and wisdom, I'll leave y'all alone. Otherwise you may never read this blog again.

Hope your Thursday was great!

An Early Morning Mish Mash

I'm up way early this morning. I woke up at 4:00. Andrew's had a little cold, and he shared it with me. How generous. Anyway, I thought a cup of hot coffee and some peanut butter toast would help. It did. Clearly, there's nothing wrong with my stomach.

I went to the doctor yesterday. I have a pulled ligament. He rattled off the name and some other technical jargon. I zoned out during that part of the conversation. He showed me some exercises that will strengthen my ankle(s). Then he wrote me a prescription to wear athletic shoes for six weeks. Say what? Six weeks! I have nothing against my running shoes. I like them, but ya'll it's gettin' to be summer 'round these here parts. And summer calls for cute open toed shoes and wedges. Oh and speaking of wedges . . . apparently my ridiculous wedges are as much to blame for this problem as running is. Something about how tromping around for eight plus hours a day in shoes that force your feet and legs into unnatural positions can lead to damage. I don't know I zoned out (again). Have I ever mentioned that when I wear my wedges . . . which happen to be very cute . . . I tend to roll my ankles? I'll be walking along, fine as apple pie, when my ankle will turn in suddenly and without warning. The key is to quickly regain your composure and keep walking as if nothing happened. Can't imagine why I'm having problems . . .

Our social worker is typing up our home study update (I told you this was a mish mash). It should be ready to submit to our adoption agency sometime this week or early next. I can't say enough how thankful I am that it all went so smoothly. God really has taken care of us throughout this whole process.

Andrew asks everyday when his baby sister is coming home. It's a little sad and makes me wonder if we should've waited to tell him. But with all the interviews and home visits, I really don't see how that is possible. I have no doubt that there will be moments of sibling rivalry. I think it's only natural. But I also have no doubt that Andrew is going to make an awesome big brother. Sometimes he's a stinker, but he really is the sweetest kid.

Andrew has also started telling us that when he grows up his sister is going to be his wife. Ummm, no! Actually, it makes me laugh. He totally doesn't see a problem with it. And Patrick spends too much time trying to explain it to him. Which is even funnier. I think that by the time my kids are old enough to date and get married (around 35) he'll have changed his mind. And if not . . . well, we'll find a good shrink. ;)

Well, I guess I better get up and get moving. I've got a busy day ahead. Happy Wednesday everyone!

Quick Update on Our Home Study Update

Now say that fast five times . . .

Our new caseworker came to our house yesterday, and she couldn't have been nicer. Everything went very smoothly, and she has to make one more visit just because it's required. After that we'll be pretty much done with our update.

Andrew was a huge ham yesterday and spent the majority of the visit trying to entertain her. He started out in his regular clothes, then he put on his batman costume, followed by his spiderman costume. When she interviewed him, he was batman, mask and all. At least he's not shy . . . not even slightly.

We decided to make one minor adjustment to our home study and adjust our age parameters. Originally, our home study said 0-2 years, but after waiting and looking at what seems more realistic, we decided to go with 0-3 years. We feel really good about this age range and probably won't change it again.

We really appreciate all the prayers. While the wait still seems endlessly long, everyday is one day closer. I try to focus on all the blessings we have right here right now. We know that when the time is right our little girl will come home. Until then we'll do our best to wait patiently.

Have a great Sunday afternoon everyone!

A Lengthy Explanation of Why I'm a Grouch

Also Entitled: Excuses, Excuses, Excuses

Being injured is definitely putting a cramp in my style and quite possibly a little grouch in my attitude.

When I was young, I wasn't a fan of physical activity. I hated P.E. in school. I was in athletics one year, in 7th grade, because it was the "cool thing to do". I hated every stinkin' minute. I'm not good at team sports. Not because I'm not a team player (although I can be bossy and independent), but because I stink at basketball, volleyball, and every other team sport ever created. Beside uncoordinated in the dictionary you will find my picture.

But when I got in college I came to the realization that I actually enjoyed working out. In particular, I liked running, and I didn't mind a little light weight lifting here and there. I mean I'm no Arnold, but you know 5-10 lbs are no problem. No comments please . . .

I ran through college and into the early years of our marriage. Sometimes I was in better shape than others, but I ran quite a bit and put plenty of miles on my treadmill and spent plenty of time running up and down country roads. After having Andrew, I slowed way down. And although I ran some here and there, I never worked back up to where I was before getting pregnant. Until a few weeks ago . . . for the first time in five years, I could run five miles. Y'all have no idea how excited I was. Running is such great stress relief. But I pushed myself too far too fast. I jumped from running three miles straight to running five miles all while pushing myself to run faster . . . and then I got hurt. I knew better but I'm stubborn, and I don't learn.

I've never been hurt to this extent. I've had some tendinitis and shin splints, but this goes way beyond that. My left foot and ankle hurt every time I put weight on them. And yes, I know that doing the elliptical for a week following the injury was STUPID. I took exercise and nutrition classes as electives in college. I'm weird that way. My excuse . . . I have a high pain tolerance, and I thought it would go away. Like I said, I'm stubborn.

And that is why I'm G to the R to the OUCHY. I know it's ridiculous to be grouchy about not working out, but I just find it irritating. I find limping around incredibly annoying. Plus, I can't stay off my feet. My job is not conducive to that. And I'm not allowed to wear running shoes to work, and none of that helps the healing process.

I know . . . cry me a river . . .

So I broke down and made a doctor's appointment for next Tuesday (soonest I could get off work). I'm hoping it's nothing serious and a simple fix. Although, I'm sure if it was simple I'd be better by now. So I guess we'll see. Maybe I'll get one of those stylish black boots to welcome in the summer. ;)

Panic Attack!!!

Y'all, I just found out that our Social Worker is coming on Saturday to start our home study update. Did y'all hear that? Saturday?!? Excuse me while I hyperventilate in the corner . . .

I know in the world of adoption, especially foster adoption, surprise visits from the social worker aren't unheard of, but y'all this is international adoption. Visits are planned. While there may be a lot up in the air, when the social worker comes is not one of those things.

This is a different social worker than last year. Patrick talked to her on the phone. He said she has a British accent. I hope Andrew doesn't tell her she talks funny.

She's coming on Saturday, because she also has a full-time job. And a family. Which in a way is better because, I have a full-time job and a family.

So that's why I'm panicking. Please pray for us. Pray that the update goes smoothly, and that we hit it off with our social worker. Thanks from all of us.

Now, I'm going to go clean like crazy.