Giving Thanks

Today we honor those who have given their lives so that we can be free. Today we can honor those who have died so that we can live. Today we honor those who have given the ultimate sacrifice. Today we thank the families who have lost those they love more than life itself. Take a moment in the busyness and celebrations of the day and think of what your life would be like without men and women willing to die for your liberty. Take a moment today to thank a soldier who has fought in pursuit of freedom. Take a moment to thank God for giving us this country we hold so dear.

"Nothing is a greater stranger to my breast, or a sin that my soul more abhors, than that black and detestable one, ingratitude."

GEORGE WASHINGTON

Happy Memorial Day!

A Story (hey I even included a picture)

Once upon a time there was a little family of three who lived in a little red brick house. They were all very happy until early one Saturday morning the little boy, whose name is Andrew, woke up with a little tummy ache. And then the real fun began. (Warning - this post is about a sick child. If you don't have kids but plan on having them one day then tread cautiously. If you do have kids, we'll you've probably "been there done that" so read on and think "thank goodness it's not me this time".)

The past 24ish hours have not been fun in the Davis Casa. Andrew came into our bedroom at 5:00 a.m. Saturday morning complaining that his tummy hurt. Let me tell you, it was all downhill from there. He threw up 12 times (I think, I kind of lost track) yesterday. From noon to 5:00 p.m. it was every 20-30 minutes. It wasn't pretty. On the upside, we made to the toilet every single time. Go Andrew! Nevermind, that I'm having back spasms from running back and forth from the bed to the bathroom with a 30 lb 3 year old. At 5:00 p.m. I gave him Benadryl. Yep I'm a good mama like that. The thing is, I read somewhere that it helps with motion sickness so I figured it might help with nausea (?), and we really needed a break, as he was definitely mildly dehydrated. So I googled it (you know I went to the authority on all things medical), figured the worst that would happen is that he would puke it right back up, and gave it to him. I don't know if it helped or if it was just coincidence, but he kept it down. After that, he kept down Gatorade. Yes I know, it should've been pedialyte but he hates pedialyte, and if you haven't ever tasted it, try it. That! Stuff! Is! Nasty!

So anyway, he drank the Gatorade and watched Gnomeo and Juliet. Which is very cute by the way. At ten o' clock (like how I wrote ten o' clock out?) last night he ate 3 crackers and then crashed. He didn't wake up until almost 9:00 this morning. At which point he insisted on eating butter toast on an empty stomach. I tried to talk him out of it. I tried to tell him that he should drink some Gatorade and eat dry toast. But no ma'am, he wasn't having it. He wanted butter toast and water. Well actually, he wanted butter toast with jelly and milk, but I drew the line at the jelly and milk. If he was going to puke it up, I didn't want to deal with purple jelly and milk (I forewarned you this was about a sick child). Well the butter toast and water didn't sit well. It stayed down a total of about 20 minutes (and I had just disinfected the toilet. Man!). But after forcing him to drink Gatorade for a couple hours, he asked for a banana. He ate the whole thing and kept it down. Hallelujah! He then got out of bed for the first time since yesterday morning (except to puke), and I gave him a bath. Now he's playing, and I think, finally on the mend.

Here's the thing, before I had kids, I didn't think much about them getting sick, but kids get sick. We've done everything from puke to croup to fevers of 104+. Thankfully, most of the time it doesn't take much more than a few days, lots of love, and in some cases a round (or ten) of antibiotics to get them better. When I refer to the antibiotics, I am referring to Andrew's ear  and sinus infections. The child is a little over three and a half and has had three sets of tubes. He has a very round and very large head like his mother, and so his eustachian tubes lay flat (and I'm not being mean, I'm just being honest). Thus making it very hard for fluid to drain. Thus leading to lots of antibiotics (not good) and eventually 3 (very expensive) sets of tubes. But out of all the illnesses that come and go, the one I fear the most is the stomach virus. Why? Because kids puke everywhere. And they touch everything. It is very hard to keep those germs contained. But I've done my best, and washed my hands 6.5 million times (and used half a can of Lysol and a quarter of a bottle of bleach), and slept with a sick baby (what's a mother to do?). So I'm praying (a lot) that I don't get it.

And that folks is THE END.

Blessed Beyond Measure

Luke 12:48 (the second half) "For everyone to whom much is given, from him much will required; and to whom much has been committed, of him they will ask more."

Not everyone is called to adopt. Not everyone is called to be a missionary in a foreign land. Not everyone is called to visit the homeless. Not everyone is called to teach Sunday School. But everyone is called. In one way or another you are called to give back.

By American standards, I'm not considered wealthy. Are we financially stable? Sure! Can we pay our bills? Oh yeah! But wealthy? I don't think so. But by the World's standards, I am wealthy. According to most of the statistics I found around 1.5 billion people in this world live in extreme poverty. And most of those are in what we call developing nations or third world countries. They aren't just hungry, they are literally dying of disease and starvation and living in conditions that we cannot even fathom.

I realized last night as I sat in my big bathtub filled with hot clean water (sorry, it's one of the only places I have a quiet moment to think), in my air conditioned house, where the cupboard is far from bare, that I have been given much. And that much is required of me. I think we, both Patrick and myself, began to realize this a long time ago, but last night it really came into perspective.

So one of the ways that we will give back is through adoption. I am not saying that you are supposed to run out and adopt a child. If it's not in your heart then it would never be the right thing for you. What I am asking is that you look at your life. Have you been given much? I'm not just referring to finances . . . I'm referring to family, I'm referring to health and the availability of health care, I'm referring to food on the table (even when it seems a little meager), I'm referring to a roof over your head, I'm referring to clean running water. "To whom much is given, from him much will be required".

Can you teach Sunday School and minister to the lives of little children? Can you donate to the local food bank? Can you give financially to a missionary or a group supporting missions? Can you give time and volunteer at a local school? Can you read with a child for a couple of hours a week? Can you donate a box for Operation Christmas Child this fall? Can you sponsor a child in a foreign country? Can you give to an orphanage? Can you send used clothes to tornado victims? Can you be a mentor? Can you help in the church nursery? The list is never ending. You don't always have to shout God's Word on the street corner, you can live it through your actions.

The poster above is used with permission from our adoption agency All God's Children International. Not only do they facilitate adoptions, but they also have orphanages and minister through mission trips. I am very passionate about helping children in need. Nothing is more heartbreaking to me than to see children dying of starvation and preventable (easily preventable diseases). This is getting long. I could go on and on, but I'm going to stop. Below are links to three organizations that I believe in and trust. If you have some time take a look at what they are doing. And spend some time thinking about how you can help. This is by no means an advertisement for these organizations, and I'm not asking you to give to them and them alone. I'm just asking you to give back in someway somewhere.

All God's Children International
Ambassadors to the Nations
Samaritan's Purse

Sanity Optional

It's the last week of school in these parts. These parts referring to somewhere in the great big state of Texas. In case you don't have kids or live on Mars or something like that, kids and teachers go a little nuts during the last week of school. I keep thinking we should get rid of the last week of school. Haven't quite figured out how to do that yet, but I'm on it.

Today was water day at school. Water day is anticipated by children and adults alike. It is second only to Christmas in the world of elementary school children. As it gets closer you can hear teachers throughout the school saying, "Do you want to go to water day? Then you'd better behave." We hold it over their heads like Santa Claus. On water day the fire trucks come and shoot the kids with water. This year we even asked the firemen to spray the water up into the air so that it rained down gently on the kids. Unlike last year when they felt the need to blast the kids head on and almost took some of them out . We're nice like that. We also had stations, and I got to run (run = standing around and looking busy) the station where they stood in a pool filled with water and marbles and picked the marbles out with their toes. I was very popular today. Quite possibly more popular than ever before. It was fun, but that water was dis-gust-ing by the time we were done. I'm about to draft a letter to send home . . . Dear Parents, If your child comes down with a strange foot fungus we cannot be held legally or medically responsible . . . Despite the color of the water by the end of water day, it was still a lot of fun. Who knew kids held so much talent in their toes?

My only gripe about water day? It was 100 degrees outside. This is unseasonably warm . . . even for Texas. And my skin is extremely white and doesn't tan. Nope it sure doesn't. I burn like a hotdog on a grill. Like my use of simile? Paints quite a picture doesn't it. Anyway, I would suggest we do it in December next year, but somehow I don't think it would be quite as much fun. Hypothermia's not very popular with parents, and truth be told I don't really like being cold. So if someone could arrange for it to be a little cooler next year I would be very appreciative. And now if you had any doubt that teachers start to lose their minds near the end of the school year, they have been completely extinguished.

In adoption news (since that's the purpose of this blog), I talked to our caseworker today, and there are referrals slowly but surely beginning to roll in from Bulgaria. There are both special needs and healthy children available. This is good news and we are praying that things continue to gain momentum, and the process begins to shorten. I'm also hoping that I get my FBI clearance anyday now. Other than that there's not much going on. Thanks for all your prayers. Enjoy your Friday.

Making Sense of it All

There are a lot of things running around in my head at the moment. As I look at all the devastation caused by the recent tornadoes in our country, I feel an overwhelming sadness for those who have lost so much. Some people say that it's the end of the world. Biblically speaking, I definitely don't think we are far off, but I don't think we are there yet. Having said that let me insert this:

Matthew 24:36 (New King James Version) 
³⁶ "But of that day and hour no one knows, not even the angels of heaven, but My Father only."

Some people say it's the wrath of God. I don't know everything about everyone, but I do know this, there are a lot of God fearing people who were affected. People that love the Lord and serve God with all their hearts. People who have given their lives to serve Him. I also know that we live in a fallen and imperfect world. We live in a world that has natural disasters. We live in a world of wars, and famine, and devastation. I don't blame God.

After I had Andrew I felt like, quite possibly for the first time in my life, I really began to understand God's love for me. I think that when God created the family His purpose was to help us better understand His love for us. The love I feel for my son is consuming in a way that I cannot explain. I want nothing but the best for my children (both the one I have now and the one we will adopt in the future). I want them to be happy. I want them to be healthy. I want them to have only what is best for them. Because I love Andrew so much and because I want only the best for him, I do have to discipline him. It's part of being a parent. I don't particularly enjoy it, but it is necessary. So yes I do discipline him, but that discipline does not destroy his life. That discipline makes him better. That discipline, though it may hurt for a moment, in time will help him to grow stronger. It does not tear him down. It does not devastate him.

I don't pretend to even remotely understand everything that God does and does not do. I don't pretend that I understand all of the tragedies that go on in this world, but I do know that I don't believe that God causes them. Okay, well then why does God allow them? I hear this question all the time, and while I again don't pretend to have all the answers, this is what I think. If God stopped every tragedy then we would live in a perfect world, but that day that Eve took a bite of that fruit (yes, I take an extremely literal interpretation of the Bible), that day that she shared the fruit with Adam, that day that they chose to disobey God, sin entered the world. With the entrance of sin, came the entrance of tragedy into this beautiful world God created. But God had a plan, and He loves us so He sent Jesus to die for us. Did He know we would fall? Yes. But He created us because He wanted us. He wanted to have fellowship with us. He created us because that is what He does, He is the Creator. When I had my son, I knew that one day he would mess up (sometimes multiple times a day), but I still had him. Because I wanted him. I wanted a child, because God placed that desire in me, just like He desires us.

No, this does not answer all the questions about God, and the world and how it works. These are just thoughts from my head. This is not set in stone theology, nor am I saying that everyone will agree with everything I'm saying. I'm sure that, like me, a lot of you still have questions. But for me motherhood has given me a broader understanding of some of the things that happen. It has also given me a greater sensitivity to the things that go on around me. The natural disasters (hurricanes, tornadoes, droughts, floods), the wars, the famines they will all continue to come. But I can say this I would rather go through this world with God by my side anyday than without Him. Of that there is no doubt.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New King James Version)

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Singing His Praises

Kirill is coming home. Praise God the Supreme Court ruled in favor of the Davis family! Read about all the details here.

Eye on the Prize

Yesterday I was thinking (always a dangerous thing) about the amount of time that it takes to adopt. In some ways it seems like an eternity. I mean in 3 years I'll be almost 33 (scary), and Andrew will be almost 7 (super scary and a little depressing). In other ways it doesn't seem that bad. Thirty-three is still relatively young. Lot's of people don't even have kids at 33, and while Andrew will be around 7, there will most likely won't be more than a 5 year difference between him and his sister. As I've also found, the older you get the faster time goes by. Before you know it another year has passed, and you're another year older. Sounds cliche I know, but it's true.

I realized that it's all about perspective. When I started college, I fully expected to be in college for four years. I knew that I wasn't going to finish in two years, or three years, or even three and a half years. I knew that I would be there at least four full years. So why all this college talk? Not to worry, I do have a point. College was a long term goal. It took time, and effort, and patience. But I knew that the end would come . . . someday. And while it seemed like it took forever when I was in the midst of all that work, now it seems like it went by in a flash. Four years flew by in the blink of an eye. I kind of think that while the next 2-3 years may seem like an eternity, once we reach the other side, I will look back and think that it has flown past.

I have no doubt that I could become so wrapped up in the waiting that I forget to enjoy what I have now. I know that I could easily become obsessed with watching the proverbial clock, and not appreciate the here and now. I want to enjoy my family right at this moment. When the time is right, we will add our daughter to the crazy mix. Not a moment too soon or a moment too late but at just the right time.

And while I'm on the subject of time going by, another school year has come and (is almost) gone. On Friday I will complete my 8th year of teaching. Yikes! Only 21 years to retirement (rule of 80 for all you Texas teachers). I'm just kidding. But I am excited about summer. Andrew is going to visit his new preschool a couple days a week. Which equals some shopping free time for Mommy. I'm not sure that I'll know what to do with myself. Maybe I'll organize the tupperware and clean the blinds and baseboards. Again, I'm kidding . . . kind of . . . okay, maybe I'm straight up dead serious (I need therapy). Andrew also has swimming lessons (which is always entertaining with a class full of 3 year olds) and gymnastics (also very entertaining). We're going to the beach with my sister, her husband, and their boys in a couple of weeks. That should be wild and crazy and may send me over the edge. Four boys on one trip equals insanity. Patrick has youth camp in July, and we may or may not throw another trip somewhere else in there. We shall see. And those are (some) of our plans for the summer. I know. You can hardly contain yourselves. Try to calm down a little. All the excitement may raise your blood pressure or something like that.

Anyway, whatever you and your kiddos have planned for the summer, I hope it's a good one. And take a moment to stop and appreciate what and who is around you. You know stop and smell the roses and all that jazz. And now this is getting borderline sickeningly sweet and sappy, so I'm gonna stop.

Please remember to keep the Davis family in your prayers as they go before the Supreme Court judge early tomorrow morning. As soon as they update on their hearing, I'll let you know. Thanks for praying.

No Weapon Formed Against You Shall Prosper

A while back I blogged about the Davis family in the post "Quick Request". In case you don't want go back and reread, the Davis family is trying to adopt a little boy named Kirill from Eastern Russia, but because Kirill has Down Syndrome the judge did not feel that he is fit to be adopted. In short, the judge doesn't think he deserves a chance at life. I'm not even going to get into how that makes my blood boil. I'm sure most if not all of you feel the same way. Well the Davis family appealed, and they are set to appear before the Supreme Court judge in Russia at 6:10 a.m. (Central Standard Time) Tuesday morning. You can read more about the details and their family here.

I am asking you to join me and hundreds, if not thousands, of others in prayer for this family. We are praying that God will move on the heart of the judge and Kirill will be released to go home with his family. If at all possible, I ask for you to stop whatever you are doing at 6:10 a.m. (again that's CST) Tuesday morning and pray for this family and for little Kirill. It may mean getting up a few minutes earlier or setting your alarm for a time you're accustomed to waking up, but I believe it is well worth it. I also ask that you be in prayer throughout the rest of the weekend and on Monday. I believe that God can and will move mightily in this situation. I have no doubt that it is His will that this little boy be placed with a loving family.

Isaiah 54:17 (New King James Version)

¹⁷ No weapon formed against you shall prosper,
      And every tongue which rises against you in judgment
      You shall condemn.
      This is the heritage of the servants of the LORD,
      And their righteousness is from Me,”
      Says the LORD.

Isaiah 1:17 (New International Version)

¹⁷ Learn to do right; seek justice.
   Defend the oppressed.
Take up the cause of the fatherless;    plead the case of the widow.

Deuteronomy 31:8 (New King James Version)

⁸ And the LORD, He is the One who goes before you. He will be with you, He will not leave you nor forsake you; do not fear nor be dismayed.”

Ramblings on Patience

I'm not an inherently patient person. I don't like to wait. Actually, I don't know anyone that's always patient. I'm pretty sure it goes against everything in our nature. But me? I'm not just not patient (get your brain around that), I'm straight up impatient. I want what I want, and I want it now (sounds like my three year old). I'll usually take a while to think things over in my head. But when my mind is made up, and I decide I want something or want to do something, I'm done thinking. I want action. And when I get an idea in my head I must follow through with it. When I start something I must finish it as quickly as possible. We moved into our house on Saturday, December 16, 2006. I had everything unpacked in one day, the furniture was delivered the next week, and the house was decorated for Christmas by December 20th. I also remember everything. I'm like an elephant in that respect. (No comments from the cheap seats please)

And with all of my crazy, obsessive, impatient traits, we chose to adopt internationally. An exercise in insanity? That remains to be seen. Either way, it definitely requires some (forced) patience on my part. I'm already having to learn. Albeit not in a very major way, but having to wait for my fingerprints has obligated me to be (somewhat) patient. I mean you can't exactly "push" the FBI to speed up the process. Somehow I don't think that would be very smart. I may need the witness protection program one day. Actually, I think that's the CIA. Irregardless, I don't want to hack off any major government agencies. As if making fun of their advertisements won't irritate them (if they ever were to find out which is highly unlikely . . . right?). Anyway, back to my point. I was really very patient until yesterday. Yesterday was one month from the day I sent off my second set of prints. Last time they came back in exactly one month. So I was hoping for the same this time. No deal. I am aware that it could take up to six weeks, but a girl can dream can't she? It's pretty pathetic when my dreams include receiving approved FBI prints, but that's my life.

So I'm learning that waiting will now be a part of my everyday life. I figure that I'll probably do really well the first year to year and a half of waiting for our referral. Then, I'm sure as the time approaches that we should receive a referral, I'll start to get antsy. And yes some of this discombobulated post totally seems to contradict the planner in me. Believe me I still plan, but once I have that plan thought out in my head, I need to follow through with it. Like immediately. Now I gotta run, we're going on vacation in three weeks. I need to get busy packing.

You're wondering if I'm serious aren't you? :)

And now, just for fun, I thought I'd end this on a cute note. Maybe I should've started that way. Have a great weekend everyone!

Got Sleep?

I wish there were 37 hours in the day. I never have enough time to do everything I need to do, and I never get enough sleep. Of course, it doesn't help that at 10:00 pm at night I'm sitting here on my computer. Not to mention that after I finish this, I'll stay up reading even though I'm exhausted. I love to read. If I could get paid per page read, I would easily be a millionaire. There are few forms, actually there is no form, of entertainment I like more than reading. Even when I sit down to watch a movie at home, I'll often read while watching it. It doesn't work out well. I rarely have a clue what's going on with the movie.

But back to the main topic, my exhaustion. Why am I exhausted you ask? Well other than the fact that I spend 99% of my life in some varying state of tiredness, Andrew came wandering into our room at 1:45 this morning. Normally, I have rules about him sleeping in our bed. Actually, it's just one rule. He doesn't sleep in our bed (unless he's sick . . . I'm not as mean as I sound). But at 1:45 this morning I happened to be sleeping very well, and wasn't very coherent. Since I was sleeping so well, and was too lazy tired to deal with a screaming 3 year old, I let him crawl over me and into bed. Mistake. Of course, that woke me up, and then I had to use the restroom. So I got up to use the restroom, and because my cat has some sort of sixth sense, he knew I was out of bed and started scratching to be let inside. When I finally made it back to my bed (after 3 or 4 minutes) I found that Andrew was firmly planted in my spot. So I shoved him over gently moved him to the middle of the bed and settled in to go back to sleep. Just as I was drifting off, Andrew decided to dig his tiny little three year old toes right into my back. Thanks Buddy, really appreciate that. I rearranged his legs, got comfortable again, and started drifting off to dreamland. Just as I had reached the edge of blissful sleep the child sits up and throws his self across my legs. I immediately had flashbacks to sleeping with my younger sister when I was a child and how she would throw all of her dead weight on top of me in the middle of the night and then lay there. I could never get her off because I wasn't strong enough. I instead would lay there with my legs pinned down and call my mother until she finally came to my rescue. Scary. Needless to say, I once again placed Andrew in the middle of the bed, and then of course the cat has to come plant his cat self right on the other side of me so that I'm wedged a bit uncomfortably between the two of them. Just as I started to drift off again . . . can you see where this is going? Well, if you can't, let's just say that Andrew threw himself across my legs numerous times. Like so many I lost count (and please understand he was asleep during all this). This went on for over two hours. In addition to all this fun, the cat decided that last night would be a good night to sharpen his claws on the side of our mattress. I think there was some sort of conspiracy to keep me from sleeping (and tear up my mattress). I finally fell back asleep around 4 a.m. and of course had to get up before six. And this is why I think the 11th commandment should be "Thou shalt sleep in thine own bed".

And for those of you wondering, Patrick was completely unaware that any of this was going on.

Good night everyone!

Discipline Diaries

Being the mother of a three year old might be the most hilarious, most fascinating, and most challenging job in the world. Three year olds will say anything. They have no filter. They will announce in a crowded restaurant that they "have to go poo-poo" (sorry, this blog ain't for the faint of heart). They will tell all of your secrets. And even when they don't have their information right they don't care. Case in point: My brother just had back surgery on Friday, and for some reason Andrew got confused and insisted that "Stoney had gotten his bottom cut off." I really have no idea where that idea came from, but believe me I have done everything I can to remedy this confusion. I still don't think he believes me.

Comical is not the only word that describes three year olds. They are opinionated. They are independent. They are loving. They are funny. And they are a handful. My child is no exception. In fact, he takes the term "typical three year old" to the max. He will hug your neck one second and wrestle you to the ground in the next. He has steadily, over the last year and a half or so, become increasingly independent and aware of his own feelings and emotions. He is no longer just an infant who is dependent on me (and Patrick) to meet his every need. He is now a preschooler who thinks he is in charge and knows what he wants. In short, he is a teenager.

Which leads me to the subject of discipline. I'm not going to go into all of the various discipline methods and ideas. I have not lost all my marbles . . . yet. But I will say that we've had to become pretty strict with the little man as of late. He's just a little on the hard headed side (must get that from his father). What I have found is that just because something worked with me, just because it worked with my husband, my sister, my best friend's dog, and my Great Aunt Ida's third child from the youngest (I don't really have a Great Aunt Ida), does not mean that it will work with my child. And so we've had to learn to discipline in a way that works with him. And sometimes that means taking him to his room, setting him on the floor (not telling him to sit but physically setting him down), closing the door and walking away. It is amazing how quickly his attitude will change when he has no audience. Believe me it is not the only method of discipline we use, but we have found that when he is in the midst of a complete and total meltdown it is the only thing that gets through to him. And please if you don't have children, don't say "I could straighten him out". You don't know. You don't have children. You will have children one day, and I will laugh.

So what's the point of all this discipline talk? Well, a lot of the adoption education centers around how you will discipline your adopted child. For example, it would most likely be terrifying to a child that has been removed from her home and the only caretakers she has ever known, to be sent to timeout alone in her room. She may connect it unknowingly to being abandoned. One of the questions that came up was, "Will you discipline your biological and adopted children differently?". At first, my answer was an adamant "no", but then as I thought about it I realized that, even if both of our children had the exact same background, it is very likely that we would discipline them differently. Not meaning that we would show favoritism to one over the other, but meaning that we will discipline them in a way that works best for their individual personalities. Some children need nothing more than a stern look to set them on the straight and narrow. Why do more than you have to? 

So in answer to the question, "how will you discipline your adopted child?", I say "we will discipline both of our children in the way that best fits their personalities". We will use the most effective and loving forms of discipline possible to help shape both of our children into the people that God created them to be.

Proverbs 22:6 (New King James Version)

⁶ Train up a child in the way he should go,
      And when he is old he will not depart from it.

Future Undercover Agents Apply Here

So I spent about 5 minutes punching out a post about my lost post (A Watched Pot Never Boils . . . ). Then when I published it, there was my lost post (w/o the comments) . . . suddenly found. I deleted the post that I had given 5 of the most valuable minutes of my life to. I can never get that 5 minutes back. I should've spent it eating Oreos. Blogger was down for most of Thursday afternoon and a good portion of the day on Friday. Drove. Me. Crazy. Any kind of technological problems irritate me. Even though I don't have the foggiest how to fix them. I could type a whole post about how technological inept I am, but really how exciting is that?

I did talk to our caseworker yesterday, and for now not much has changed. Our homestudy is complete pending the results from the FBI. Oh yeah, I have a confession to make. But first you have to promise not to tell my husband. Remember how he told me not to call the FBI again? Well, I called the FBI again. I listen well. They said my fingerprint results are in process. Uh, could someone tell me if that's a good thing, a bad thing, or doesn't mean a darn thing? Nope, no one could tell me what that means. They are just in process. So I guess we will know soon enough. I'm praying that everything is clear and legible. I know for a fact I have no criminal record. I solemnly swear.

Which brings me to my next question. Am I the only person who has heard the incredibly strange  recruiting commercial for the CIA on the radio? It starts out with this guy talking about how his work hours are constantly changing and no one knows what his real job is, but he basically works undercover for the government. Then it goes on to say that you too could work for the CIA. You could become a National Clandestine Service Officer (yes I had to look that up). Now maybe it's just me, but is the CIA that hard up for undcover agents? I'm a little concerned for our national security if they have to advertise on the radio. I mean if you're listen to Kickin Kountry (just made that up) and in between "Any Man of Mine" and "The Devil Went Down to Georgia" you hear an ad and decide to become an undcover agent for the CIA. . . well I'm just sayin . . . (and I have nothing against country just making a point). And the fact that I even mentioned the CIA, much less the CIA and the FBI in a single post, will cause my husband to have a complete and total nervous breakdown.

Now the FBI, the CIA, and my husband are all highly annoyed with me. What can I say? I have a gift. Have a great Saturday everyone!

Counting on God

Last night I opened up my email and found that a blog that I recently started following had a new post on it. I added this blog because the family is in the process of adopting from Bulgaria and is using the same agency as us. They are currently waiting for a referral. As I started reading, what I read made my stomach drop. This family started this process in June of 2009 with their application and had their dossier registered with Bulgaria in 2010. Now they've found out that it will be 2012 before they receive a referral. That's two and a half to three years after initiating the process.


Of course, in true Courtney fashion I went into full on panic mode. Oh my goodness! What if it takes 3 years for everyone? What if it never speeds up? The "what ifs" where flying like nobody's business. And then I opened my nightly devotional, and it happened to be on trusting in God's timing. I don't think that was a coincidence. I took a deep breath and thought about what I already knew. I knew when we started that this process could take 2-3 years. Our caseworker has said that she really hopes it speeds up, but she wants us to be prepared to wait. I think a lot of  families go through the, "Oh it will be faster for us" stage. And with all the improvements happening in Bulgaria, I certainly hope and pray it is faster for us, but the truth is there are a lot of families waiting for referrals, and things are a little backed up. The other thing I knew (and I still know) is that very little of this is in my hands. And that's really a good thing because I have a tendency to try to make things happen in my own timing instead of God's. But this time there is really no way for me to do that. I have been forced to completely and totally rely on God. Not so easy for this Type A personality. One of my favorite praise and worship songs is "Counting on God", and I truly am counting on Him to see us through this whole crazy adoption journey.


I will be praying for this family and all the other families as they wait. I will pray that the process as a whole does speed up and that children begin receiving referrals much more quickly (there are approximately 10,000 orphans waiting for homes in Bulgaria . . . yes I meant to put 10,000). I will pray for our own family to have patience and to fully rely on God throughout this walk of faith. I will pray that our child will be protected and loved wherever she is. And through it all I will remember to enjoy the moment, and not to get caught up in too many "what ifs".

I apologize for all the font weirdness below. I have no idea what's going on or why it is showing up in all caps, bold, etc. I promise I'm not shouting at anyone :)

Isaiah 65:24 (New King James Version)

²⁴ “ It shall come to pass
      That before they call, I will answer;
      And while they are still speaking, I will hear.

Isaiah 55:9-11 (New King James Version)

⁹ “ For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
      So are My ways higher than your ways,
      And My thoughts than your thoughts.
       ¹⁰ “ For as the rain comes down, and the snow from heaven,
      And do not return there,
      But water the earth,
      And make it bring forth and bud,
      That it may give seed to the sower
      And bread to the eater,
       ¹¹ So shall My word be that goes forth from My mouth;
      It shall not return to Me void,
      But it shall accomplish what I please,
      And it shall prosper in the thing for which I sent it.

Jeremiah 29:11 (New King James Version)

¹¹ For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.

Habakkuk 2:3 (New King James Version)

³ For the vision is yet for an appointed time;
      But at the end it will speak, and it will not lie.
      Though it tarries, wait for it;
      Because it will surely come,
      It will not tarry.

And Now Presenting . . . An Attitude Adjustment

Mother's Day morning. Your husband and child(ren) gently wake you up with cards, flowers, and breakfast in bed. You then (already looking close to perfect) eat said breakfast, and when you have finished glide into the restroom where all you have to do is apply a touch of make and quickly comb through your hair. Remember, you're already looking close to perfect. All the while your child (or children) is smiling and organizing all of his toys by type and color. After you are all dressed in color coordinating outfits you happily pile into the family car and head to church where you will converse with other mothers about their equally wonderful Mother's Day mornings.

Yeah! Right!

Or . . .

Your three year old wakes you up at 6:45 in the morning and none too gently at that. He then climbs on top of you where he spends the next 30 minutes asking you questions to which you have no answers. When he decides to crawl out of your bed at around 7:15 he heads into the kitchen where he promptly devours as many Hershey's Kisses as he can in the shortest amount of time possible. You blame your husband because he slept through all of this (keep in mind you never once asked for his help. . . you don't do that he should read your mind). One of your dogs then claws half your leg off trying to use it as steps to climb up on a chair (yes I'm exaggerating for effect just go with it). You clean up spilt milk not once but twice. You wash the dishes that seemed to magically appear in the sink. While doing this you trip over one of the 10,000 Thomas the Train toys scattered throughout your house. You then deal with a tummy ache quite possibly caused by someone deciding it was a good idea to finish off the bag of Hershey's Kisses at 7:15 in the morning. And to top it all off the cable isn't working. Happy Mother's Day indeed! You look around you and think "Really! Doesn't anyone in this stinkin' house get it?". And by the way you do not look even near perfect, you look similar to someone who was run over by a freight train.

Time for a reality check and an attitude adjustment! Remember you're the one who said you wouldn't trade this job for all the tea in China?

So I (yes, I know you're shocked but I'm talking about myself) went back and skimmed over Proverbs 31, and I realized something, this woman didn't whine. She worked from sunup to way past sundown and didn't say two words about it. She didn't feel entitled to anything just because she did all this. She was doing what she had been created to do, and so she did it willingly. Yes we all like and need praise sometimes, but when we come to expect and think we deserve it we've got something backwards in our thinking.

I have the greatest husband and child in the world. We are healthy and happy, and I am blessed by all I've been given. I have food in my pantry and dishes in my sink. If my child is sick I can run to the doctor. I don't have to worry about a roof over our heads or my son starving. I have so much more than so many, and by many accounts I am wealthy. Maybe I didn't have the Hallmark Card Mother's Day morning, but I would rather have spilt milk and tummy aches than the alternative any day.

And now, even though I've printed before, here is a reminder (mostly for me) of what a Proverbs 31 woman is:

Proverbs 31 (starting in verse 10)

The Virtuous Wife

    ¹⁰ Who can find a virtuous wife?
      For her worth is far above rubies.
       ¹¹ The heart of her husband safely trusts her;
      So he will have no lack of gain.
       ¹² She does him good and not evil
      All the days of her life.
       ¹³ She seeks wool and flax,
      And willingly works with her hands.
       ¹⁴ She is like the merchant ships,
      She brings her food from afar.
       ¹⁵ She also rises while it is yet night,
      And provides food for her household,
      And a portion for her maidservants.
       ¹⁶ She considers a field and buys it;
      From her profits she plants a vineyard.
       ¹⁷ She girds herself with strength,
      And strengthens her arms.
       ¹⁸ She perceives that her merchandise is good,
      And her lamp does not go out by night.
       ¹⁹ She stretches out her hands to the distaff,
      And her hand holds the spindle.
       ²⁰ She extends her hand to the poor,
      Yes, she reaches out her hands to the needy.
       ²¹ She is not afraid of snow for her household,
      For all her household is clothed with scarlet.
       ²² She makes tapestry for herself;
      Her clothing is fine linen and purple.
       ²³ Her husband is known in the gates,
      When he sits among the elders of the land.
       ²⁴ She makes linen garments and sells them,
      And supplies sashes for the merchants.
       ²⁵ Strength and honor are her clothing;
      She shall rejoice in time to come.
       ²⁶ She opens her mouth with wisdom,
      And on her tongue is the law of kindness.
       ²⁷ She watches over the ways of her household,
      And does not eat the bread of idleness.
       ²⁸ Her children rise up and call her blessed;
      Her husband also, and he praises her:
       ²⁹ “ Many daughters have done well,
      But you excel them all.”
       ³⁰ Charm is deceitful and beauty is passing,
      But a woman who fears the LORD, she shall be praised.
       ³¹ Give her of the fruit of her hands,
      And let her own works praise her in the gates.

Motherhood

Befitting the fact that tomorrow is Mother's Day (which quite possibly is the most important holiday we have all year . . . just kidding), I decided to jump on the 'ole bandwagon (cliche I know) and do a post about being a mother.

When I look back over my childhood, teenage, and college years (already this sounds like the beginning of a really cheesy made for t.v. movie) I realize that I never really thought about becoming a mother one day. I have quite possibly the most wonderful mother on the face of the earth. She's always been steady, balanced, supportive, and loving. I've said it before and I'll say it again, I want to be just like her when I grow up. And believe me some days I still have a lot of growing up to do. I am very blessed to have parents who were always there for me (wow! I'm all about cliches today). In all honesty, I didn't realize how amazing my home life was and how truly blessed I am until I started teaching school. I mean I always knew there were others that didn't have everything I had, but I never really grasped the reality of that until I saw children heartbroken because they hadn't seen their father in weeks or because their parents had forgotten yet another birthday (it doesn't just happen on t.v.). My parents were there for every band concert, every measly award's ceremony, every horrific basketball game, every end of the year ceremony and graduation. They pulled the trailer for the band, and my dad went to Disney World with about 50 teenagers. I'm sure that wasn't exactly how he wanted to spend three days of his life, but he did it with a smile on his face. Through all of this, I don't think I really grasped how good I had it. I guess I thought that everyone's parents did the same for them. Which kind of shows you how naive I was.

So anyway, you know I have a habit of wandering off topic, I didn't spend a lot of my life thinking about getting married and having babies. I was always very ambitious academically. There wasn't ever any doubt that I would go off to college and there absolutely was no question that marriage wouldn't happen until after I finished school. 

So I went off to college, with a lot of some gentle prodding from my parents. And after I finished, but before Patrick finished (another story for another day), we got married on July 12, 2003. We were married for around two and half years when I decided it was time for a baby. I wasn't longing for a baby, I wasn't dreaming about a baby, I was just ready. I'm very matter of a fact like that. In March of 2007 we announced we were having a baby, and I, of course, went about methodically preparing our new arrival.

Andrew came, with a lot of drama (because drama is necessary around here), in October of 2007 a little early, but very healthy, and suddenly I understood something I had never understood before, I understood what it meant to be a mother. Even when I was exhausted, wiped out, and quite frankly at the end of my proverbial rope, I would've killed for that 4 1/2 pound baby laying in the bassinet in my bedroom. I understand now from personal experience what people are talking about when they compare a human mother to a mother bear or a mother lion. You mess with my kid you mess with me.

Since then, I have never looked back. I have found that the job I didn't know I wanted is the greatest job in the world. I cannot imagine not being a mother. That's not to say that everyday is easy and simple. If you've met my child, then you know that he is strong willed and hard headed. If you've met him, you also know that he is funny, engaging, curious, smart, happy, and a whole lot of fun (yes this is a mother bragging). Being a mother is fulfilling in way that I never imagined. And the crazy thing is it's not about you at all. It's about someone else completely. And all this coming from a woman who didn't ever even think about becoming a mother.

Happy Mother's Day to all you moms (most especially to my mom)!

Romeo, Romeo where for art thou Romeo? (note: this title has almost nothing to do with the post)

"What's in a name? that which we call a rose
By any other name would smell as sweet" - Juliet in "Romeo and Juliet" (Shakespeare)

 "I read in a book once that a rose by any other name would smell as sweet, but I've never been able to believe it. I don't believe a rose WOULD be as nice if it was called a thistle or a skunk cabbage." - Anne Shirley in "Anne of Green Gables"  (L.M. Montgomery)

So who is right Juliet or (my personal favorite) Anne Shirley? This has always been a hypothetical question and honestly, not one that I spent much time mulling over. But here lately, I've been approached numerous times with the question, "What are you going to name your daughter?" And my response is always the same, "I'm not sure what we're going to name her or even if we're going to change her name." Suddenly this hypothetical question has become very much unhypothetical (no it's not really word . . . I'm aware).

How much of a young child is wrapped up in her name? How traumatic will it be to change her name? Obviously, if we can't pronounce her name we'll have to change it or modify it somehow. I am really bad with foreign languages and pronunciations. I grew up in Central Texas around numerous Spanish speakers yet I still can't roll my "r"s. On the other hand, will she hate us for life if we keep her Bulgarian name? She may not like how it singles her out from all the other kids. We live in a small, not so culturally diverse town.

I think I agree with Juliet, my child will be my child no matter what her name. But I have to say Anne Shirley does have a point. I mean I can't imagine calling a rose a skunk cabbage. Just doesn't have the same ring now does it?

So I'm putting it out there for opinions, especially from those of you that have adopted internationally (and even if you haven't feel free to weigh in). What do you think? The truth is we probably won't make our final decision until we know our daughter's real name, and most likely, not until after we meet her for the first time. Still, I'm listening so remark away.

Transformation

This is our guest bedroom. The one with the closet full of junk. Remember my hoarding post? Yeah, so we did finally get that room cleaned up and it ended up looking like this.

Yeah there was a bed under all the junk. I was as shocked as anyone (just kidding - sort of).

When I started thinking about how to decorate the room, I knew I didn't want to change the paint color. You can't really see it but the room is painted a sort of light, bright green. Makes perfect sense right? It's not lime green, thank goodness, but it wasn't really the color we were going for when we painted the room. We were aiming for more of a sage green, but then we started painting and it wasn't really sage. However, being the wise economical people we are, we didn't just buy a little bit of paint to sample the color, we bought enough for the whole room, so we painted the whole room. It's all or nothing with us . . . that's how we roll. All the while I've always thought that I would love the color for a little girl's room, and so that was my starting point.

My other inspirations, so to speak, were these little birds.

These are called love birds. I've had them since I was a little girl. They were a gift from my best friend growing up, Happy. I've probably had them for twenty years, and I want them to be a part of my little girl's room. Aren't they just precious? (you must say that with a really thick southern drawl)

So I started browsing catalogs and the internet thinking it would take a while to find what I wanted. I don't like things to be too modern. I like a nice mixture of classic and country cottage. Low and behold one day I opened the PB Kids catalog and hallelujah, there staring me in the face was the perfect quilt for my little girl's room. The story of how I ended up buying the quilt can be found here. Long story short, I got a good deal on it. I decided to go ahead and order the shams, a pillow, and a lampshade to match. I have a fear of the stuff I need being discontinued. It happened with Andrew's bathroom. I bought the Dr. Seuss (One fish, Two Fish) themed shower curtain from PB Kids, fully intending to add the accessories. However, when I went back to get the accessories, they no longer had them. Grrrrr (exactly how many letter "r"s should I put on grrrrr?). Thank goodness the outlet still had some. So I stocked up. Anyway, sorry I wandered off on a bunny trail, I put everything on the bed this afternoon to get the full effect.

Obviously, there is still work to be done. The pictures from Hawaii hanging above the bed will have to find a new home as will the treadmill you can't see. The t.v. will have to go too because I have this thing about having televisions in kid's bedrooms. If your kids have one, I totally don't care, it's just a personal preference of ours.
Thankfully, we have a lot of time to get the room complete, but when our little lady finally does get to come home believe me her room will be ready.

And now, because I can, I'm going to leave you with some pictures. We got to hang out some friend's of ours Saturday night for barbecue, testimonies, and some good gospel music by the river. It was a lot of fun. And Andrew thoroughly enjoyed all the desserts.

Sorry ladies, neither one is on the market :)

Shelter

In case you haven't noticed, I keep changing my blog design. I actually have a really stylish and happening (okay not so much but it is cute) background downloaded on my computer, but I don't have the technology skills or the time right now to figure out how to get it on my blog. My husband, who thinks he is an expert on computers, says "all you have to do is enter the urls in the right spot". The right spot meaning . . . ? So until I have the time to work on it, i.e. until school's out for summer (sing it with me . . . no I don't make a habit of listening to Alice Cooper . . . those are the only lines I know of that song), I'm stuck with a blogger background. Which means I'll change it until I find something I like. Kind of like picking out the right pair of shoes. You know what I mean don't you girls?

Now if you'll direct your attention to the center of the ring . . . not a lot is happening at this moment in our adoption world (hence the ridiculously long paragraph about my blog background). We are waiting for my fingerprint results to come in so our home study can be officially approved. Don't worry, I won't continue to "beat the dead horse" about the fingerprint issue. That poor horse died weeks ago. While we wait, I'm trying to organize all of our paperwork so that when we have everything in hand we can have it notarized and apostilled as quickly as possible. Just so you know (because I'm sure you want to know more than anything else in the world right now), apostillation (I don't really know if that's a word), is something done by your state government's office that basically confirms that your notary really is a notary. I had never heard of it, but it seems that it is somewhat common when dealing with documents that will cross international lines. Seeing as how I don't typically deal with international documents it makes sense that I wouldn't have a clue.

Beyond that, I'm learning day by day to trust God in every aspect of my life. Sometimes when I look at the amount of paperwork, the time it will take, the long wait, and so on, I begin to feel sheer panic rising up inside my chest. A million, "what if?" questions pop into my head. In those moments, I have a choice to make, I can choose to trust or choose to be afraid. I tend to be a glass half empty type of a person. I'm not a positive person by nature. Just being honest here. See Apologies and Irrational Worrying for more on that. The passage of scripture that I draw the most comfort, the most peace, and the most confidence from in moments of fear and worry is Psalm 91. I've memorized most of it, and when I began to feel afraid I quote it. It never fails to remind me exactly who this God is that I serve. How awesome, how mighty, how powerful He is. And yet how much He cares about each one of us.

Psalm 91 (NKJV)

Safety of Abiding in the Presence of God

 ¹ He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High
         Shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty.
 ² I will say of the LORD, “He is my refuge and my fortress;
         My God, in Him I will trust.”
    
 ³ Surely He shall deliver you from the snare of the fowler
         And from the perilous pestilence.
 ⁴ He shall cover you with His feathers,
         And under His wings you shall take refuge;
         His truth shall be your shield and buckler.
 ⁵ You shall not be afraid of the terror by night,
         Nor of the arrow that flies by day,
 ⁶ Nor of the pestilence that walks in darkness,
         Nor of the destruction that lays waste at noonday.
    
 ⁷ A thousand may fall at your side,
         And ten thousand at your right hand;
         But it shall not come near you.
 ⁸ Only with your eyes shall you look,
         And see the reward of the wicked.
    
 ⁹ Because you have made the LORD, who is my refuge,
         Even the Most High, your dwelling place,
 ¹⁰ No evil shall befall you,
         Nor shall any plague come near your dwelling;
 ¹¹ For He shall give His angels charge over you,
         To keep you in all your ways.
 ¹² In their hands they shall bear you up,
         Lest you dash your foot against a stone.
 ¹³ You shall tread upon the lion and the cobra,
         The young lion and the serpent you shall trample underfoot.
    
 ¹⁴ “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him;
         I will set him on high, because he has known My name.
 ¹⁵ He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him;
         I will be with him in trouble;
         I will deliver him and honor him.
 ¹⁶ With long life I will satisfy him,
         And show him My salvation.”