For the Class of 2018 (and anyone who cares . . .)

It's that time of year again. School is coming to a close. Summer is upon us. Graduations are happening left and right. For the past five years or so, I've watched my former students graduate from high school and go forward into this big wide world. They've followed different paths. Some are in the military. Some have careers. Many have gone to college. But one thing holds true, most of them are pretty dang amazing. And while I have no great delusions regarding my role in their lives, I am so very proud of them.

I've been thinking about what I would say to these kids, just moments away from becoming adults, if I could. And this is what I've come up with.

This is not the big climax to your life. It's only the beginning. It's the beginning of big things no matter what you're doing tomorrow or next week or next year. Just remember, you have to take ownership. You have to do your part in making those things happen.

• Work hard. There's a verse in the bible that basically says, "Whatever you do, do it as unto the Lord . . ." (paraphrased from Colossians 3:23-24), and y'all this is the best advice I can give you. If you do things for others and even for yourself, you'll always reach a point where you're burnt out and tired and disappointed. But when you do things for God, not just in theory but in reality, you'll find strength only He can give.
• Don't rush the next step. We're always looking for what's next. Goals are good. Goals are important, but also, as cliché as it sounds, seize the day. You won't get it back.
• Having said that . . . college is not a career. It's a means to an end, and so, know when it's time to move on.
• Take risks. Not the kind of risks that will give your mama a heart attack, but the kind of risks that change people's lives. You can always dream bigger. 
• Don't drink and drive. Ever.
• Live generously. Give. Volunteer. Do something for someone other than yourself.
• Laugh everyday, and be with people who give you life. If someone only takes and sucks you dry, it might be time to move on. Just sayin'.
• Find a career, not a job, but a career that you love. And yes, "stay at home mom" is absolutely a career, but so is chief executive of a large company. It's up to you, and you may do both, or you may do neither in your lifetime.
• But on the way to finding that career you still have to work hard. See my first point. There's no shame in any job as long as you show up and do your best.
• Go to church. Trust God. Pray. Seriously, you'll find that life is much easier and much more valuable with Jesus than without.

You are amazing, and you are meant to do great things. God didn't create anyone boring or ordinary. He created unique and extraordinary. That's you. 

Catching Up

I am so far behind . . . I know.

2018 is literally flying by. We've been busy. The kids have been great. School is almost over, and we are all looking forward to summer.

A few highlights from our year thus far . . .

Our winter was unusually cold and long. Or maybe it's just that the past few winters have been warm and short. Either way two "snow" days in one year (the second was just ice :/) is kind of unheard of around these parts.

Regardless, we were happy to see spring arrive. Sort of. It kind of kept teasing us, but we were able to spend a day at the zoo over spring break which was fun.

And of course, spring means Anna's birthday. And was this little girl ever excited to be turning five. I'm telling y'all. I think we celebrated her birthday for two solid weeks.

Easter Sunday was absolutely beautiful, and we enjoyed going to church and then spending the afternoon with family.

And a couple weeks ago, Mom, Sarah, and I snuck away to Charleston for a few days. It was a much needed time of rest and relaxation  . . . and food . . . oh my gosh, so much food. 

The kids are doing good. Everyone is ready for summer which will be here before we know it. Anna will be going into kindergarten with some supports to start with. She's made so much progress this year. She's talking up a storm and has made huge academic gains as well but still is emotionally behind so we're taking her entrance into kindergarten slowly. We don't want to overwhelm her to the point of causing her to shut down, but we have some pretty big goals ahead for our Miss Priss. And I have no doubt she'll succeed. 

Andrew will be going into 5th grade. Somebody hold me. When did my firstborn grow up? He's definitely growing into a thoughtful, caring, Godly, albeit sometimes a bit absent minded, young man. I cannot wait to see what God has in store for his future.

So that's it. Your very quick update. I'll try to hop on here more often and keep you posted on our goings on. I've been encouraged by my 10th grade English teacher (I kind of had the best high school English teachers) to consider submitting some of my writing for publication. So I'm going to start writing more but not necessarily posting it on here. I'm not sure how to go about it all at this point, but I'm looking into it. It has always been a dream of mine to be a real deal, bona fide (nothing like using too many adjectives) writer so I'll keep y'all posted on that, and we'll see if anything comes of it.

Otherwise, have a great weekend and a great end of spring everyone!

On Marriage

My disclaimer: This started as a facebook  post, but I quickly realized I needed to bring it over to my poor old neglected blog for a couple of reasons. First, it's just too long for a facebook post. Sorry about that. Please bear with me. Secondly, I wanted to make sure that while writing this, I also conveyed a message of hope and not condemnation. What I've written has to do with marriage, and the state of marriage in our culture. If I'm truthful, I'll tell you I hate divorce. It's destructive. It is damaging. And most importantly it was never part of God's plan for our lives. Having said that, I need to acknowledge that many of my friends and family are divorced. Some because their spouse broke the marriage vows they made to them before God. Infidelity, abuse, and abandonment sadly do happen, and sometimes there is no other option but to divorce that person. In particular, when the person is unrepentant, or it happens over and over again (which is kind of the definition of unrepentant). The other thing I need to acknowledge is I have friends and family, whom I love dearly, that have gone through divorces for other reasons, and I want them to know that, while I find it heartbreaking, I want them to live a life full of hope and promises from God. I want God's absolute best for them regardless of whether they choose to stay single or marry again.

So what started all this marriage talk? It was actually after watching former President George H.W. Bush mourn the loss of his wife this past weekend, that I really started thinking. They were married 73 years! When I read that the other day I realized what a drop in the bucket our (upcoming) 15 years of marriage and 20 years together really are. They were kids when they got married, and I have no doubt that their marriage weathered many storms and changes. Losing their daughter was just one of the storms.

It also made me stop and think ... a lot. About marriage. About our culture and how marriage is viewed. Our culture doesn’t value marriage anymore. We see it as something that’s easy enough to get rid of if things don’t go the way we want. Marriage in our culture is disposable. We go into marriage with emotional feelings of love, but reality doesn’t always support the “in love” feelings. When we have bills to pay and kids to take care of and jobs that keep us busy it can be hard. Some days you feel in love. Some days you really don’t like each other. Some days you’ll go out of the way to make each other happy. Some days you’ll fight and both act like jerks. It’s just the way it is. But I’ll tell you this, marriage is sacred and when you take those vows you aren’t just taking them for one another. You’re taking them before God, and that’s serious business. Anything short of legitimate abuse, abandonment, or infidelity, you have taken a vow to work through. It doesn’t mean you’ll want to. It doesn’t mean it’ll be all sunshine and roses tomorrow, but I promise, at the end of the day (or 73 years) it’ll be so worth it.

I do not have the perfect marriage. I have a good marriage, and most days I'd even say I have a great marriage. But perfect it is not. The whole submissive wife thing is kind of challenging for me, and sometimes it's just not my cup of tea. Sometimes, I choose to argue and fight and act immature. And lest you think Patrick is perfect (haha), believe me he has his moments too. I won't throw him under the bus here, but my point is, we're not perfect. We're two strong willed people learning how to put the other person's needs before our own. I'm sure if some of you got a peek at us on some days, you'd probably have to pick your jaw up off the floor. Our families have been "blessed" enough to witness some of our finer moments including the time we almost threw down in the middle of Haverty's over a couch of all the crazy things. We can laugh about it now, but at the time it was far from funny. I don't say all this to make us look bad, but to tell you I get it, I totally get it. Marriage can be hard. Marriage can also be amazing if you do it God's way.

So here's my groundbreaking marriage advice. Whether you're getting married soon, are already married and are happy, are married and are struggling, are on your second, third, or eighth marriage . . . 

Put God first in your personal life. Then you put Him first in your marriage (even if your spouse isn’t on board, you hold God up as the head of your marriage). The Bible has some stuff to say about marriage. It's a good idea to read it (a few scripture references found below) because no matter what your marriage currently looks like, the best advice on how to live your life, and subsequently live out your marriage, is found in God's Word.

Trust God to heal what needs to be healed, to change what needs to be changed, and to redeem what needs to be redeemed. Lean into Him. Pray for your spouse, not just for God to change him/her, but for God to heal and set free. Because, surprisingly, despite what the world may say, healing is not found in walking away but in turning to Jesus to fix what is broken.  

Scriptures: 

Proverbs 31:10-31 (a virtuous wife)

Ephesians 5:22-33

Colossians 3:18-19

Hebrews 13:4

1 Corinthians 13

There are definitely more scriptures to read on the subject of marriage and family, but this is a good starting point.