Yes, Jesus Loves Me

³⁵ Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, of famine, or nakedness, or peril, or sword? ³⁶ As it is written:

“For Your sake we are killed all day long;
We are accounted as sheep for the slaughter.”

³⁷ Yet in all these things we are more than conquerors through Him who loved us. ³⁸ For I am persuaded that neither death nor life, nor angels nor principalities nor powers, nor things present nor things to come, ³⁹ nor height nor depth, nor any other created thing, shall be able to separate us from the love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord.

(Romans 8:35-39 NKJV)

If you were to ask most Christians if they believed God loves them, they'd most likely say, "Yes, without a doubt." That's what the Bible tells us, right? But in reality, I wonder if we really believe that, not only with our heads, but with our hearts.

If we were really honest, I think most of us would admit that we believe God loves in levels. He loves Billy Graham a lot. I mean, look at all the man has done for Him. He loves Beth Moore a lot too. She is, after all, a powerful woman of God. But us regular people? He loves us, but maybe not as much as Beth Moore or Billy Graham or our pastor at church.

We also think God doesn't really talk to us regular folk. Not the way He talks to the "powerful" men and women of God. Christians often follow evangelists and ministers as if they have some sort of special connection to God that no one else has. I'm not saying, that we shouldn't respect these men and women. We absolutely should, but we need to realize that while, yes, God does love them abundantly, He also loves each and everyone of us just as much. And not only does He love us, He wants to speak to our hearts. He wants to lead and guide us. He wants us to have a personal relationship with Him. He wants us to start believing that He hears our prayers . . . that we also have a special connection with Him.

I am convinced that if we really had a revelation of God's love for us, our lives couldn't help but be a witness to His goodness and His glory. If we started asking Him to speak to our hearts, and then listening for His still small voice, we would realize that He may have called us to different roles within the body of Christ. . . each of us have our own special place . . . but each of us, regardless of what He has called us to do, have been called to live a strong powerful life for Him.

I'm not fully there yet. I have plenty of struggles and plenty of doubts, but I've been asking God to reveal Himself to me more each day. I've been praying that He will open the eyes of my heart to who He is and to how deep His love runs for His children. And one of the greatest things about this whole process is I've finally realized that it isn't about anything I can do. Instead it's about resting in God and letting Him "do" what needs to be done. It's not about working. It is about trusting.

Yes, Jesus really does love me, and He loves you just as much.

Knowing God Vs. Knowing About God

This is long. Really long. I'm sorry for that, and if you don't want to read it, I completely understand. For me it is a way to work (write?) out what I feel God is doing in my life at the moment.

So y'all know (or at least I think you know) that I decided to start this year off seeking God more and working to move forward in complete freedom in Him. Did that sentence make any sense? Anyway, I've spent a lot of time reading, studying, and praying.

I read, and loved, "Think Differently, Live Differently" by Bob Hamp. That was an accomplishment in and of itself, because as much as I love reading, I don't really love reading nonfiction. But it was a great book. One of the key ideas that I came away from the book with was the concept that we often see freedom as getting free from something whether it be anger, fear, an addiction, a bad relationship, etc., but in reality "to be free is to be able to act and react fully out of who you were designed and created to be, regardless of the circumstances of your life or the behavior of the people around you" (From "Think Differently, Live Differently" listed as location 603 on my Kindle). I mean think about that for a minute. Being free isn't about not doing something or thinking something. Being free is about being everything God created you to be.

So anyway, I've been trying to figure out who exactly it is that God created me to be. Not in an identity crisis sort of way. Although, I do think that without Christ in our lives, we have a major identity problem, but I want to fully understand who I am to God. Like I said, I've been praying and reading and talking to God about this. But if you want to know the truth, sometimes I feel like God doesn't talk back. I don't mean literally, but you know there are some people who say, "God showed me this" or "God showed me that". First off, I know some people throw that around way too much and use the whole "God showed me" line to get people to do what they want. But there are people who God really does "talk" to, and I guess I had always just assumed I wasn't one of those people.

But then I started to realize that God will talk to everyone and anyone if they will just listen. The problem is I'm not a listener. I'm a talker, and I tend to hijack conversations. So I may be praying a lot, but I'm not listening much. And what a concept to think that prayer is actually a two-way conversation.

Okay so I've said all that to say this, early this morning, I was kind of drifting in and out of sleep, when I had the thought, "You know a lot about Me, but have you ever taken the time to really get to know Me." Okay, first of all, I know without a doubt that "Me" is God. And second of all I realized that since that is about the only time of the day or night that I'm both mentally and physically quiet, it's about the only time for Him to "speak" to me. I use the word "speak" loosely, because I did not hear an audible voice. Like I said, it was more of a thought, but I know it wasn't really my thought.

I started to think about what God was saying to me. Yes, I'm a Christian and yes, I do know Him to an extent. But a lot of times my Christianity is very one-sided. I tell God my problems, and I expect Him to solve them. I talk to Him a lot, but I don't communicate with Him like I should. Communication is a two way street not a one-sided conversation. 

I've been in church as long as I can remember. My team always wins at Bible Trivia. I know all the answers to all the Sunday School questions. I know a lot about God, but now it's time to grow up. It's time to get to know God not just as a problem-solver or a rescuer but to get to know Him just for the sheer pleasure of knowing Him. So I'm going to start listening more and talking less. I'm going to read my Bible not only to find scriptures that inspire, lead, and guide me, but also to really get to know God and His character. I know that on this side of Heaven, none of us will know Him in all His fullness, but that doesn't mean that each day we can't know Him just a little bit better.

Twas the Night Before Christmas . . .

Twas the night before Christmas and all through our home
Not a creature was stirring not even a cell phone

The stockings were hung by the chimney with love
And all present were thankful for blessings from above

Santa had made his quick cheery appearance
The cookies were eaten
The bike was in attendance

We all snuggled down in our warm soft beds
And thought of a Saviour born without a place to lay his head

He came to this earth on a clear starry night
Born in a stable without fuss or fight

The angels assembled to sing His great praises
The shepherds bowed down to worship in amazement

Mary held this all close in her heart and her mind
And wondered what surprises in His life she might find

And now as we gather to eat and celebrate
Let us remember the reason we come together on this great date

He came to bring us forgiveness and unconditional love
To change our hearts with His light from above

He calls us each to live in worship to Him
To a life that is washed from darkness and sin

And so we exclaim in on Joy this day
Happy Christmas to all
And thank God for a babe, born in a stable, in the hay

The Waiting Game

We have officially been in the "waiting" phase of the adoption process since early September. Almost three months down. Anywhere from 20-30 months left to go.

During the last three months, I've been asked no less than 867 times if we've heard anything. If you've asked you can continue to ask away, I don't mind. I love that our family and friends are so supportive and so involved. I can honestly say that it is such a blessing to have such a great support system. I do find it hard to explain that the waiting process is L. O. N. G. . . . long (in case you're wondering you're supposed to spell it the first time). Most people just can't fathom that we would wait that long. That's okay too. It's a choice we made. It's definitely not for everyone, but for us it was the right decision.

Having said all that, I have to admit that I'm a doer and not a waiter. I was born with almost zero patience for waiting, and when I want something done I just go and do it. I can't say that's always a good idea. It's gotten me in trouble more than once. It's gotten me hurt a couple of times. But with this adoption there is nothing I can do. There is no option but waiting. Our caseworker warned me about this. She told me there'd be days when I am fine, and there'd be days when I am incredibly frustrated and discouraged. While I can honestly say, that for now I've had only fine days, we're only at the very beginning of our process. I have had moments of extreme longing (I know dramatic), and moments when I just wish that I had both of my children in tow. . . moments when I wish that it was all said and done. And I'm sure that as the one and then two and even possibly three year marks (let's hope we don't get there) roll around, I'll have a whole lot more moments (hours, days, weeks . . .) of impatience. And I'm sure that you'll here all about it.

But in the meantime I'm learning to wait. Gosh, I hate that word. But I'm learning to enjoy the journey as much as the destination. I always look back and wish I'd cherished the journey a little more. My pregnancy, all eight months of it, had some rough moments, but it also had some awesome moments. I didn't know it would be my only pregnancy, and I'm more than okay with that, but I do wish I had taken time to just enjoy it more. The first six weeks of Andrew's life were extremely difficult. All newborns are hard, but bringing home a premature newborn has to rank up there with some of life's more difficult challenges. Just the same, I wish I'd stressed less about doing everything "right", and just cherished those moments more. I wish that instead of running around like a madwoman, I'd just laid on the couch and let him sleep on my chest more. He's four now, and doesn't like to sleep on my chest anymore. Don't know what that's all about.

I think you get the point. I'm learning to wait. To wait on my husband instead of trying to move the piano by myself (stupid). To wait to open my big mouth (that's a huge work in progress). But mostly I'm learning to wait on God. He has some awesome promises for those that choose to wait on Him.

But those who wait on the LORD
      Shall renew their strength;
      They shall mount up with wings like eagles,
      They shall run and not be weary,
      They shall walk and not faint.
Isaiah 40:31 (NKJV)

To Be Content

Philippians 4:11-13

New King James Version (NKJV)

^"11 Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: ¹² I know how to be abased, and I know how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. ¹³ I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."

This scripture was the central scripture of today's sermon at church. Even though I've heard it a million times, it really struck a chord with me today. It's amazing how different scriptures will do that at different times in our lives.

I started thinking about what this scripture really means. Paul starts off by telling us that he has learned to content no matter where he is in life. Webster's lists one of the synonyms of being content as being satisfied. So does that mean that we are satisfied with our lives to the point that we never try to better ourselves? Does God want us to go hungry and to do without our basic needs? I don't even remotely think that this was the point Paul was trying to make. I believe that he was trying to explain that no matter where he finds himself in life. Whether it be on the side of the road or in a beautiful palace, his contentment, his peace, his happiness comes from Jesus Christ.

We live in a "me, me, me" society. We compete. We want more. We want bigger houses, better vacations, nicer furniture, better cars. And you know, I don't think there's anything wrong with wanting nice things. But when those nice things cause us to live outside our means and become our "god" instead of the one true God, when they cause stress in our marriages and our bank accounts, then we are living in discontentment.

The other side of the coin is when we have more than enough. I also think our culture has big problems with "having much" gracefully. So many times we either want more, more, more and are greedy and selfish, or we want to be sure that we flaunt what we have. We want to "show" everyone who has ever gotten on our "bad side". We don't know "how to abound" gracefully.

I think that the reason this verse really struck a chord is because God has been dealing with me in this area. I have been guilty of looking around my home, my yard, my closet . . . and being discontent. And while I always make sure the bills get paid first, I've also been guilty of cutting too close at times. On the other hand, I've also been guilty of flaunting my blessings. And I'm not proud of that. God has blessed us greatly, and He alone gets the credit for that. There's a fine line between being proud of what God has done, and becoming "puffed up with pride". Unfortunately, I've crossed that line more times than I'd like to count.

The bottom line is, we all have dreams and there's nothing wrong with having and wanting nice things. God wants us to dream. He created us to dream. But our contentment doesn't lie in those dreams, it doesn't lie in our things, it lies in Jesus Christ because He is the one who truly gives us strength.