He's Got the Whole World in His Hands

I'm a Type A personality. I like things to be done a certain (otherwise known as my way). I very meticulous and methodical. When I start a project, I don't usually stop until it's done. Frankly, I think I probably drive my husband crazy. Food? Who needs it? Sleep? Rest? I'm tireless. Take a break? Really people, we've got a project to finish.

Due to this, I feel that our paperwork should've been done two weeks ago, our training should've been completed yesterday, and our house should be ready for the home visit now. Keep in mind, I have no idea what the home visit will entail, but don't you worry that's why they invented google (whoever they is). Google is my best friend and my worst enemy.

But the problem with the initial part of international adoption is you cannot start and then plough through until you are finished. First of all, there is just too much "stuff" to gather and organize. You depend on other people to get paperwork back to you. Sometimes, as shocking as it is, you have to realize that other people have lives, and families, and jobs. The whole world is not revolving around your family and this adoption. Secondly, even if you could work tirelessly, day in and day out, even if you had no job or family to devote yourself to, even if you didn't need to eat or to sleep, you would be emotionally and mentally exhausted long before you finished.

It's hard to understand how emotionally invested you become in the life of a child that you have never seen, never touched, whose name you don't know, and who honestly, may not even be born yet. But the second you take that leap and become part of the program, you have another child on the way. This adoption is going to be like a very long pregnancy. After all this work, comes the waiting, lots of waiting. And if you know anything about me, you know that I am much better at working than waiting. So while I know that there is work to do, I am also learning that sometimes I need to stop and just enjoy what I have now. When Andrew was little, I used to sing "He's Got the Whole World in His Hands" while I rocked him at night, and I have to trust that He truly does have the whole world in His hands. Even a little girl (or boy as the case may be) who may not even be born yet.

Psalm 139:2-16 (NIV)
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
   you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
   you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
   you, LORD, know it completely.
⁵ You hem me in behind and before,
   and you lay your hand upon me.
⁶ Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
   too lofty for me to attain.
 ⁷ Where can I go from your Spirit?
   Where can I flee from your presence?
⁸ If I go up to the heavens, you are there;
   if I make my bed in the depths, you are there.
⁹ If I rise on the wings of the dawn,
   if I settle on the far side of the sea,
¹⁰ even there your hand will guide me,
   your right hand will hold me fast.
¹¹ If I say, “Surely the darkness will hide me
   and the light become night around me,”
¹² even the darkness will not be dark to you;
   the night will shine like the day,
   for darkness is as light to you.
 ¹³ For you created my inmost being;
   you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
   your works are wonderful,
   I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
   when I was made in the secret place,
   when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed body;
   all the days ordained for me were written in your book
   before one of them came to be.