Patrick's been at youth camp since Monday, and we're holding up pretty well. Andrew misses his daddy (and I miss my husband), but at least he's at an age where he's kind of starting to understand days and the passage of time. He knows Daddy is coming home on Friday, and he can't wait to see him.
A lot of people don't understand why I don't leave Andrew and go to youth camp. The biggest reason is Andrew doesn't do well away from both of us at the same time, and four nights would be an eternity for everyone involved. I don't think I could handle two nights. He's spent an occasional night at my sister's, but when it's all said and done, he's usually there less than 24 hours.
When it comes down to it Andrew doesn't get left all that often, and Patrick and I aren't huge "date" night people. For the most part, where we go Andrew goes. Collective gasp . . . It's not that we don't enjoy spending a night out here and there, but weekly or even monthly nights out, either alone or with friends, are just not where we are in our lives or in our marriage. We didn't have Andrew until we had been married over four years, and we spent the majority of those years doing as we pleased. We went out to dinner, stayed up late, traveled, and enjoyed being alone, but now we have a child and will soon have two.
So where do we find the balance? Does that mean that Andrew comes in front of our marriage? I'll answer the second question first. No, Andrew does not and should not come first, but when you have kids things change. It's just one of those facts of life. I guess we find the balance in the fact that we communicate, and for the most part we make an effort to spend a few moments together on most days. And while we don't have unlimited time together, I try to make sure that Andrew goes to bed early enough so that we have some time together even if somedays it's only a few minutes at the end of a very long day. During the summer we get quite a bit more quality time. We don't have the same pressures as when we are both working demanding full time jobs. It allows us to relax and enjoy life a little more, and sometimes, we can even squeeze in an entire movie before I fall asleep. When we're both working, time is a precious commodity, and there are so many things to fill the little time we have so we try to do as much as a family as possible.
I also think you have to come to the realization that time as a family can also be quality time for your relationship with one another. Parenting, while definitely trying at times, also has the ability to bring two people together when nothing else can. If you don't stand together you'll fall together. Not that we're perfect, but a united front is imperative in parenting. And through working together you find that your bond becomes tighter and relationship becomes stronger. You get to see and know your spouse in a completely different light.
Bottom line? I don't think there is anything wrong with "date" nights and even a night away here and there. Believe me, I've had plenty of those "I need a break" moments (not that a break is always possible), and every marriage needs time and attention. But when it comes down to it, you don't have to go out or constantly be doing something elaborate or romantic, you don't have to have three days alone without your kids, and you don't have to spend tons of money to have a quality marriage. It's not about romance or candlelight or gifts. Ultimately, it's about communicating with your spouse and letting him (or her) know that you love and need him and (almost as importantly) that you've got his back.
P.S. - I'm no marriage expert. This is just my personal opinion taken from my personal experiences in my own marriage.
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